Prayer Diary

Forgive yourself

7/27/2020

I’ve been thinking about forgiveness these days. Not the big ones that involve national and worldwide retribution, nor even the acts against democracy that are occurring as I write. No, I’m thinking about the little acts of self- forgiveness that are part of being a Christian; those thoughts and judgments about others that hold me back from living my life for God.
    When I think disparagingly of another, I knock them off the pedestal and put myself on instead. Of course, neither of us belong there; God does. I know this; we all know this.
    What comes first to get forgiveness going? Remember God, or remember that judgments are about ME, not God? At the moment I notice that my judgments often lead me to God, which leads me to forgiveness.  Knowing God forgives me isn’t enough. I must do my part; God and I as partners, friends, co-creators.
   As I try to make sense of what I’ve written, I realize that this self-forgiveness is not a sequential process. I hope some you get some glimmer of understanding. Just writing this has helped me. Thanks.

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Opera during pandemic times

7/16/2020

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Last night I listened to Puccini’s Turandot, thanks to the Met which has generously live-streamed productions from their archives. I hope the offer it again soon. Definitely my favorite Puccini.
Puccini’s Turandot
Starring Maria Guleghina, Marina Poplavskaya, Marcello Giordani, and Samuel Ramey, conducted by Andris Nelsons, stage production by Zeffirelli. From November 7, 2009.

Speaking of favorites, the night before the offering was La Traviata, my favorite Verdi.

Verdi’s La Traviata
Starring Ileana Cotrubaș, Plácido Domingo, and Cornell MacNeil, conducted by James Levine, stage production by Zeffirelli. Transmitted live on March 28, 1981

We’re off to the Vermont for the weekend, where the scenery is beautiful and the internet access non-existent.

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Living for God

7/11/2020

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Have you ever heard someone speak a truth that went right to your soul? That happened to me the other day, although it was something I read, not heard--same idea. This from James Koester SSJE in “Cowley” (Volume 46, No. 2, Spring 2020), the magazine of the Society of Saint John the Evangelist.

By living for God, we remind others that life does have a purpose, and the source of that purpose is the goodness and love of God.

It is the phrase living for God that went right to me. Isn’t that what we seekers want--a clear concise goal? And there it is in three simple words! Of course we can muddle in the details, and fail miserably and often, but the goal is easy to keep on the horizon. Three simple words embedded in our being.

https://www.ssje.org/cowleymagazine/

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Love and Justice

7/2/2020

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“Teacher, which commandment in the law is the greatest?” He said to him, “‘You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind.’ This is the greatest and first commandment. And a second is like it: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets.”
Matthew 22: 36-40
     Jesus calls us to live our lives with this great commandment. How do we do so during the everydayness of life and during the pivotal times we are living in now?
    Can we be both activists for justice and prayer people for justice? Of course we can; they aren’t mutually exclusive. And yet, if we are serious about dedicating our lives to the great commandment I suggest that we have to select whether we focus upon faith or works, love or justice, as our starting point and time commitment. Do we begin with the experience of injustice that is before our eyes, or with the word of God that is in our hearts?
     Working for justice in a serious way takes physical, mental, and emotional time and energy--committee work, writing letters, call people, knocking on doors, protesting. Praying for justice in a serious way also takes physical, mental, and motional time and energy--meditating, emptying the mind of thoughts and judgments, prayer, leading a simple, solitary life.
     I believe that God is leading me on the prayerful path. That doesn’t exclude activism, but helps me start with love as I pray for justice, and then at times become active for justice.

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June 26th, 2020

6/26/2020

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The Northumbria Community’s Rule of Life speaks to me these days.
The Rule we embrace and keep will be that of AVAILABILITY and VULNERABILITY.
We are called to be AVAILABLE to God and to others
We are called to intentional, deliberate VULNERABILITY

    My mind tell me that vulnerability ought to be my biggest challenge. It confronts me all the time, and besides, why would anyone choose to be intentionally and deliberately vulnerable! It’s bad enough when it happens, and it happens often.
     It is availability, however, that is getting my attention, and that baffles me because I am friendly, I listen, I smile, I help others. I am available. Nonetheless, I notice that I am writing in the first person. I am the subject of what I do. I choose when I am available and friendly, when I listen and smile, and when I help out. I control my availability even at times when I could let go and follow the availability of the other.
    Embracing and keeping availability to God opens up the possibility that I might succeed in being available to someone else on their schedule. I’m trying. At least I’m noticing.
https://www.northumbriacommunity.org

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Thy will be done

6/17/2020

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Being and doing in June 2020

6/5/2020

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What follows is a message that I sent to some friends who have known each other for many years-- many I mean 50 years—and we still keep up regularly. (I’ve made a few edits.)

     But I want to say more about this to you who read my prayer diary. My being and doing is praying, which entails not thinking. Briefly and simply I sit quietly, empty my mind of thoughts, center on God’s love, and pray that love to people and situations.
    This being and doing isn’t just during prayer times. It is about leading a prayerful life throughout the day, which I admit is difficult and impossible to do on my own. I forget and fail miserably but God is there to pick me up and send me on with renewed faith, hope, and love.
     How did I get to this prayerful place in my life? God’s grace, which continues to move me forward to live in peace and love for myself and others.

     I sense that we are all settling into a rhythm that works for us as we continue to self-distance due to the pandemic, and as we ponder all that is going on in our country. I view this rhythm as two-fold; to stay safe and healthy, and to keep our lives meaningful. Another way is to consider being and doing.
     My being. Gentleness (when I remember it) crystallizes how I am trying to lead my life. I am gentle when I let go of unnecessary little irritations (for example, being annoyed that a package didn’t come on time, or that the car I am following is going way too slowly). I am grateful for these moments of gentleness because I know that they put love, not hate into the world. I believe that how we feel inside ourselves has direct bearing one what goes on in the world. This doesn’t mean I am passive, but how I choose to act not only makes a cosmic difference, but also gives me peace.
     My doing. Keeping the home fires burning with Jim and keeping up with our kids and grands, and with family; keeping my church community connected in personal ways.
     Being and Doing: silence and solitude— getting out of my head by just sitting and when walking. In this silence and solitude I think of each of you as you find your own ways of being and doing.

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Start with love, respond in love, and keep love in sight

5/23/2020

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Every day I feel more gratitude for my faith. How could I possible manage this pandemic if I had to count on myself and others to help get through this? (And I don’t have immediate problems.) How easy it is to blame others for what has gone wrong, for any downward mood springs, and for what might happen next! Or, to take credit when things go my way! Without God, this is where I invariably I go: my will be done, which is sometimes loving, but always led by the ego.
I won’t go into any theological discussion about God. What I know and have come to believe is that whatever we are dealt in life gives us the opportunity to start with love, respond in love, and keep love always as the goal. This involves mind, body, and spirit.
The mind helps us remember and think about love; the body can lead us to do loving acts; the spirit unites the two. It is through the spirit that I feel God is presence, leading me toward Thy will be done, not my will,

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Forgiveness and humility in pandemic times

5/19/2020

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No better time to let go of unnecessary judgments than during this pandemic time. There are myriad opportunities to analyze what everyone is doing, and then disapprove because they are not acting the way I think they should. I’m not talking about appropriate actions to avoid catching or spreading the virus, but about how people are personally responding emotionally and psychologically.
     Yesterday, in talking with a friend, I blurted out a negative comment about a mutual friend. Immediately God appeared, reminding me that this is precisely what I have been praying to let go of in my life. Also, immediately, Jesus walked away from my presence. Throughout the rest of the day I prayed for understanding and healing, and it came in the form of God’s forgiveness; God forgives and in accepting that radical gift, I can ease closer and closer to forgiving myself.
    God had another gift for me: the gift of humility, a gift I sorely need. Humility is a simple gift. It is neither fancy nor complicated, but it is hard to grasp or accept. It is not a gift I always want. And so I lose it, or put it away for Sunday morning. To be humble is to know and believe that I am not in charge; that good I want to do I can only do by praying Thy will be done.
     I leave you with two scriptures that continue to lead me to forgiveness and humility.

Therefore you have no excuse, whoever you are, when you judge others; for in passing judgment on another you condemn yourself, because you, the judge, are doing the very same thing.
Romans 2: 1

For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I do. Now if I do what I do not want, it is no longer I that do it, but sin that dwells within me.
Roman 7:19-20

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Life after death

5/2/2020

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I posted this on my cottage by the sea blog, but first I want to say more.
     My Christian faith, my belief in ‘life after death’, as the expression goes, gives me enormous comfort. In fact, it makes all the difference. I am grateful that I don’t feel any need to explain this further, either to others or to myself. I thankful for that because, I’d probably start creating/making up all kinds of ways it should be. Ah, how easy it is to play God.

    Up the street from where we live is Wadsworth Cemetery. Lately I’ve been going there after supper, but yesterday it was raining so I postponed by visit until this morning, when I set off at 6:30, coffee in hand.
    I find cemeteries peaceful, calming, and hopeful. If I can embrace that dying is part of living, that death is part of life, I can wander about among the grave stones and feel peaceful; I can breathe in the flowers, flags, sunlight and shadows and feel calm; I can look across the street to a home that was once a stop on the Underground Railroad and feel hopeful.
    COVID-19 is catapulting us to face the death issue, and forcing us to think about our own death and those we know and love, and to consider what the death of the universe as we know it might mean. Visiting cemeteries is one way to bridge the gap between living and dying, and between life and death. It is one way that brings me calm, peace, and hope.

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Forgive yourself

Opera during pandemic times

Living for God

Love and Justice

June 26th, 2020

Thy will be done

Being and doing in June 2020

Start with love, respond in love, and keep love in sight

Forgiveness and humility in pandemic times

Life after death

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