Prayer Diary

Practicing meditation again!

11/15/2020

If through the years you’ve read my posts, you’ll know that I keep having a go at meditation. The accurate phrase is ‘to practice meditation’, the idea being that it is not something to be achieved but to be present to, to practice.  And so, from time to time I practice meditation, and in doing so, new experiences, insights, and awarenesses appear. I say appear, because that is the closest word I can come up with to describe what happens.

    Here is this morning appearance as I was practicing. I set out to let go of all thoughts and be in God’s presence, and so I went to that time-honored practice of returning to the breath.  I noticed, however, that I wasn’t letting go of my thoughts because the following thought kept coming up: “You are not feeling your breath, you are thinking about it.” And then, a miracle happened. I stopped thinking, well at least I ‘think’ that’s what happened. For a while I wasn’t thinking, I was practicing meditation. At least that’s what I thought had happened after I started thinking again. The miracle was a feeling of peace and oneness with the Holy.

   Don’t be concerned if you don’t understand what I have just written. Perhaps if you don’t think about it, you’ll know what I’ve said, perhaps you’ll intuit my point, my blah, blah, blah.

Mini-paradigm shifts

11/10/2020

We are reminded to read the psalms in their fullness, for it is there that we can feel God’s redeeming presence and power. It is then that the shifts in phrase draw us away from self-centeredness and return us to God. We are brought back to the purpose God has called us to, which is to live for God, not for self. I think of theses as mini-paradigm shift,

Every Christian has his/her own way of expressing this. For Fr. Congreve, SSJE: Everything should become by degrees an act of communion with God.

Mine is more personal: Jesus, walk with me in all I do today. Let it be so today as visit my hundred year old friend and as I help distribute groceries at Open Table, a local food pantry. Let it be so as I pray for our democracy.

Giving and receiving on Halloween

11/6/2020

How can we help children ‘do unto others’ on Halloween? On any other Hallows Eve, kids would be out ringing doorbells, putting their hand into a plastic pumpkin, grabbing some candy, saying ‘thank you’, and going on to the next house.
On Sunday some of that did happen as the children from my church participated in a drive-by Halloween visit with some of the seniors in the congregation, but there was an added twist. Our caravan stopped at four different locations. At each one, families, holding a sing with their name, took turns going up to each house to take a little goodie bag from a table set up ahead of time by some grownups. Each senior, notified ahead of time, came out to wave, appreciate the costumes, and say ‘you’re welcome’ when the kids said ‘thank you.’ An example of giving and receive at its most pure.

Christians worship in community. But how, when our ways of being physically together are limited? Yes, our worship services are online; our pastor does an amazing job helping each of us in our own homes to feel connected every Sunday. But this drive-by Halloween, plus three birthday drive-by celebrations in the summer, have opened up vision new ways to workshop.

Stillness, by Thomas Keating

10/28/2020

Our true nature is stillness,
The Source from which we come.
. . . .
The deep listening of pure contemplation
Is the path to stillness.
All words disappear into It,
And all creation awakens to the delight of
Just Being.
—Thomas Keating, “Stillness”

Turn off the news?

10/19/2020

I watched no news the weekend, nor did I read any. The result: I felt closer to God. Any addiction separates us from God, and surely, at least for me, too much news watching is just that. So where do I go from here? Tonight, do I turn on the TV? I’ll see. Hard not to!
This is an example of what separates me from God, and what I should/would/could do about it. It’s not a judgment on how anyone else might act. We each have our own ‘demons’; if we listen, we know what they are and what to do about them. So far, I hearing that following too much news does not benefit my mind/body/spirit.

Praying for our enemies gives hope

10/12/2020

In Matthew’s Gospel Jesus tells us: But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you…

     I’m working on this. If enemies were limited to the people I come in physical contact with in my daily life, I’d be pretty much free of this directive because I don’t have any personal enemies. Undoubtedly there are people who don’t like me, but I don’t know who they might be because I stay away from much of what is negative. That’s just part of my disposition.

But what about those enemies outside my immediate orbit that Jesus asks me to pray for?  Those people in power with different political views, or those who carry guns, or those who have different ideas about voting rights? I certainly don’t want to pray for their success, and so my easy way out is not to pray for them at all, to ignore them. I make the excuse that in ignoring them, I am keeping positive, not adding negative energy.
      But I know better. I am being selfish. We are all children of God; we all need prayers that our hearts will open to love. And, for sure, I don’t know what God is up to. I try to listen through the ears of Job. I listen as Jesus continues:

…So that you may be children of your Father in heaven; for he makes his sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the righteous and on the unrighteous. Matt.5:44-45

    There is much more going on these days that we can possibly imagine; what will transpire is much more than we can hope for. Praying for my enemies gives me hope.

From teaching to divinity school

10/4/2020

I wrote this for this blog, A Prayer Diary, but then decided it was also right for A Cottage by the Sea. Sometimes the line between talking about my faith in general and being more explicit about it as I do here, is hard to control. I want to keep my faith out of that arena of politics.

The other day a friend from my teaching days asked me about my journey to divinity school after I stopped teaching. We hadn’t been in close contact since I had retired from teaching kindergarten and first grade twenty-five years ago. Here’s my response.
     In 2004 I receive a Master of Divinity Degree (MDiv) from Andover Newton Theological School in Newton, Massachusetts. I loved every minute of it-- the professors, students, campus life, studies and writing papers. It was a vibrant place then. But the physical campus no longer exists. It is Andover Newton Seminary at Yale Divinity School in New Haven, Connecticut.
    After a satisfying career as a teacher, I had no interest in being ordained (being a pastor felt too much like being a school principal). Because I was pursuing the degree for my own discernment and spiritual growth, I was able to avoid courses on church administration, and, what I referred to as ’student teaching in a church.” Being 60 and having had a full career, I convinced the administration that I would never change my mind about ordination, so certain requirements were waved.
      In another life I might have gone into chaplaincy. I completed the chaplaincy requirement for the degree, but not for chaplaincy certification. Upon graduation I took a part time job as the ’spiritual care director' of Wayside Hospice in Wayland (now called Parmenter Community Health Care—Wayland). During my tenure I visited with families and ‘clients’ both at the hospice residence and in homes.
    I stopped that work in 2009. It was time. My mother was about to celebrate her 100thbirthday. She was my mom; I was her daughter. I didn’t want a spiritual care/chaplaincy relationship with her, although for sure, we talked about spiritual things.  As I wrote in my memoir, Very Grateful, God was always present with us, always, but especially in our last two years together .
     Mom died October 3, 2011, 9 years ago.

Sitting in God's presence

9/19/2020

Lately I’ve been starting my prayer time sitting in God’s presence. That’s all; that’s enough. Being; not thinking. I find it extremely satisfying and getting easier and easier.
There is not much more I have to say about this because it is an act beyond words. In fact, I have the sneaking suspicion that presence is what prayer is about once we strip it away all our chatter of our requests and laments.
There are many examples in the Gospels of Jesus praying specific requests to God. But what about all those times when he goes off to pray? What was he doing? What was he saying? I wouldn’t be surprised if he was sitting in God’s presence, not saying a word. That’s all; that’s enough.

Top Ten Prayer List

9/13/2020

I put the following on my cottage-by-the-sea blog.

Silence, solitude and simplicity! I thought I had it under control.  After all, until nine months ago, that’s how I lived, free from stressful or anxious situations. Although silence solitude, and simplicity remains in my being, I have to keep working on them more intentionally than ever. I am reminded of this each morning as I write out my daily Top Ten Prayer List, which used to be comprised exclusively of individual names. Now, however, DEMOCRACY, COVID, TEACHERS AND STUDENTS, AND FIRE take up four of those slots.

If you have been following this blog for a while you may be surprised that I mention my Top Ten Prayer, because over the years I have intentionally stayed clear of mentioning my faith. But this morning as I started writing about the challenge it is to live into silence, solitude and simplicity during these extraordinary times, I felt compelled to share that prayer is one way I stay free of stress and anxiety.

      For you, my prayer diary friends, I’m noticing that my faith is growing and becoming more intertwined with my longing for silence, solitude, and simplicity. I’m wondering if you are noticing something similar?
      Because of the pandemic, and because of my age (80), there is less I can do actively and socially to help bring about love in the world. And yet the flip side is also true; I now have the time to be in prayer about democracy (for all), health (for all), learning (for all), and physical safety (for all).
    So, pray away. I believe it is the most important thing we can do. Ask yourself, “What if everyone in the world prayed for peace?”

Meditation: Just show up!

9/5/2020

Once again, I have to push back on watching so much news. Once again, I return to spiritual practices that bring me hope. It’s pretty simple: when I let go of a bad habit, I have time to bring back a good one.

Meditation: I’m terrible at it, but that’s not the point. The rules are simple:
1.“Show up,” is the first. I smile at this one because what it is telling me is that if I don’t meditate I won’t’ meditate!
2. Set a timer and don’t open my eyes until it rings. If I follow that rule, there is no way I’ll be checking the clock. 15 minutes gives me success.
3. Sit up straight. Ah, less chance of falling asleep.
4. When a thought comes up, let it go and pay attention to my breathing.