Prayer Diary

A Hallelujah sunrise

4/7/2021

Easter was comforting and exhausting for me. I started the day with two sunrise services, the first live-streamed by SSJE (Society of St. John the Evangelist) at 4:30. The brothers began chanting at the entrance to their chapel on Memorial Drive and then processioned in where they sang the psalms and read scripture—Genesis, Exodus, Ezekiel, Mary’s magnificat, all interspersed with psalms. They were in no hurry to get to the most important moment in Christian faith when we all shout Hallelujah.
I left before the Hallelujah to walk up the street to the sunrise service at my church (the sun had fully risen by then). About twenty of us stood in the church parking lot, worshipping for the first time together in over a year, shouting hallelujah.
By the time I got home, the brothers had shouted Hallelujah, and a magnificent postlude was concluding the service. Exhausted, I took a nap before putting on my Easter bonnet to return to my church, this time on-line, to shout Hallelujah one more time.

Virtual feet washing

4/2/2021

Last evening I watched the live-streamed Maundy Thursday service in the chapel of the Society of St. John the Evangelist. I say watched, but I really mean that I participated in it. The brothers washed one another’s feet. I felt I was there, that it was happening to me, that I was participating, washing and being washed.
I’m rather surprised my visceral reaction to this intimate orthodox experience.It was nothing we ever did at UCC church when I was growing up (nor is a tradition now). It might be part of the reading of John 13, but I recall we focused more on the breaking of the bread featured in the Synoptic Gospels (Matthew, Mark, and Luke), not on Jesus washing the disciples feet, which only John records.
But here I was, sitting at home, witnessing this very intimate experience between the SSJE brothers, witnessing an expression of love that encourages me to let go of the many excuses I have not to do whatever loving thing I am called to do.

I am the Way, the Truth and the Life

3/26/2021

Here are seven “I AM” sayings that the writer of John’s Gospel choses to describe ways that Jesus presents his divine nature to us.
      “I am the bread of life” (John 6:35).
   “I am the light of the world” (John 8:12).
   “I am the gate for the sheep” (John 10:7).
   “I am the good shepherd” (John 10:11).
   “I am the resurrection and the life” (John 11:25).
   “I am the Way, the Truth, and the Life” (John 14:6).
   “I am the True Vine” (John 15:1).

   Although Jesus is all of those things to me, “I am the Way, the Truth, and the Life” (John 14:6) is my default ‘I AM”. When my life is steady, which is it is most of the time, I call on Jesus to walk with me so I will be more honest, loving, generous, available, and humble, and thus be less self-centered.
The challenge is to remember that the “I” is Jesus, not me. Truth be told I want want my way, my truth, my life with Jesus as my disciple.

Today's Road to Emmaus

3/16/2021

The other evening Brothers Jim and Sean (SSJE) shared some ways of thinking about story of The Road to Emmaus (Luke 24:13-34). Like the two unnamed disciples, I am usually unaware that Jesus is present to me as I walk along the roads in my life, and yet at times I feel my ‘heart was burning’ (32).
Realizing that Jesus is with me, even when I am not conscious of it, releases some of the thoughts about God that I have held onto for a long time—like my entire life! Now I’m hearing that I don’t have to figure out how this all works, nor make up what God is saying to me, nor believe that God is only present when I am conscious of it. I notice myself releasing some of the controls and conditions that as a human I’m quite good at creating and holding onto. All roads are Emmaus roads, if only we recognize them as such.

Praying for grace and mercy

3/10/2021

All this intercessory prayer chatter! Explaining a situation to God, giving God choices, or worse, telling God what to do. Being called to pray gets me into these binds. I know they are binds because I don’t feel God is listening, much less responding to my directives, and the situation doesn’t improve or get solved to my liking. Furthermore, none of this leads me to a feeling of peace.
So, I’m working on giving up on this way of chatting with God, especially when I go on and on and on. Instead, I’m praying for grace and mercy. I’m not chatting about it; I’m lifting it up. God and I seem to have a good understanding of what grace and mercy means between us we enjoy silence, solitude, and simplicity together.

My Christian Midrash

3/3/2021

One more thing about Nicodemus. At the end of John’s gospel the writer tells: There are also many other things that Jesus did; if every one of them were written down, I suppose that the world itself could not contain the books that would be written (John 21: 24-25).
The idea of Jewish midrash has me considering what other conversations Jesus and Nicodemus might have had. Imagining such conversations helps me along my faith journey with Jesus. Very likely, as I do, Nicodemus chatted in this head with Jesus—explaining what he was thinking, asking for help and guidance, lamenting and venting. If this was true for Nicodemus, if must have been so for Peter, for Lazarus, for Mary Magdalene, and for those not mentioned by name in the gospels. And so, conversation with Jesus must also be open to you and me. Christian midrash.

Nicodemus and The Deposition

2/28/2021

I took this photo of The Deposition by Michelangelo a few years ago in Florence at the Museum dell’Opera del Duomo. It is considered the last sculpture the artist created (1547-1555), and it is widely accepted that the Nicodemus we see standing in the back is a self-portrait of Michelangelo. He was in his 70s, struggling to love and be loved by God as his life was coming to a close.
The character of Nicodemus has always fascinated me.We first meet him in John 3:1-21, when as ‘a Pharisee,’ and ‘a leader of the Jews’ , he seeks Jesus at night. Jesus reveals who he is; Nicodemus listens and ask questions. This conversation is not unlike ones I have with Jesus.
Next Nicodemus appears publicly with the Pharisees and defends Jesus by insisting that he get a fair hearing before being arrested (John 7:45-52).
His final appearance is with Joseph of Arimathea when they depose Jesus from the cross and prepare to put in in the tomb. No words are said.
As I pray on these three passages, I am aware of the sequence, from an intense, complex, private conversation, to a few public words, to no words at all. This reflects my communication with Jesus over the days, the years, and my lifetime. As an older person, I resonate with the Nicodemus at the tomb. Fewer words are necessary.

If you want to learn more about this work of Michelangelo, I suggest:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Deposition_(Michelangelo)

Intercessory prayer

2/16/2021

“In the matter of intercession, when we pray for another, the Spirit of God works in the unconscious domain of that one’s being about which we know nothing, about which the one we pray for knows nothing; and after a while the conscious life of the one prayed for begins to show signs of softening and unrest, of enquiry and desire to know something,” so writes Oswald Chamber (1874-1917) in Still Higher for His Highest.
   This kind of commitment to faith is not written or proclaimed by theologians or ministers these days—at least I haven’t come across it—at least not with this precise clarity about intercessory prayer. It takes a huge leap of faith to believe this, and it is only by faith that we pray in such depth. This is no throwaway. When we tell someone we will pray for them, we are not saying so with the same attitude we might tell them to have a good day.
   No, believing this puts our prayer in some ineffable place. It is not just that we believe people will be comforted knowing they are in our thoughts and prayers, or that we gain a good feeling by being helpful and loving—although this can be true. Rather, we believe that the spirit works in mysterious and inexplicable ways because we know it is true; and that makes all the difference.
   For clarification. Chamber implies that we ‘know nothing’ when we pray for others. I believe that is true, whether we know the person or whether we hear a name through a prayer chain. What we do know is that God is love, and that God loves everyone.

Saying The Lord's Prayer anew

2/6/2021

Recently I have been saying The Lord’s Prayer in seven separate sections, giving a pause between each one. I even count on my fingers as I go to be sure of the breaks. Amazing change of rote memory to deep prayer. I won’t way more, other than to suggest you give it a try.

(1) Our Father, who art in heaven,
hallowed be thy name;

(2) thy kingdom come;
thy will be done;
on earth as it is in heaven.

(3) Give us this day our daily bread.

(4) And forgive us our trespasses,
as we forgive those who trespass against us.
(5) And lead us not into temptation;

(6) but deliver us from evil.

(7) For thine is the kingdom,
the power and the glory,
for ever and ever.
Amen.

Faith is a mystery

1/23/2021

I want to keep this prayer diary going, but it is a challenge because so much of my faith (anyone’s faith) is impossible to put into words. Yes, in the beginning was the word, but I have a sense that that word was a thought, a feeling, something more in tune with the Holy Spirit than with any kind of theology written down.
And yet, I know, at least from my own experience, that hearing someone else try to describe their faith keeps us going to fulfill this deep longing to believe something beyond what our minds can come up with.
And so, I persevere by sharing whatever comes through my spirit as my fingers touch the computer keys. Stream of consciousness. Faith is a mystery so I might as well stay in it.
(I’m going to reread what I’ve just written, and if it makes any kind of sense, I’ll push the send button.)