Prayer Diary

Sitting in God's presence

9/19/2020

Lately I’ve been starting my prayer time sitting in God’s presence. That’s all; that’s enough. Being; not thinking. I find it extremely satisfying and getting easier and easier.
There is not much more I have to say about this because it is an act beyond words. In fact, I have the sneaking suspicion that presence is what prayer is about once we strip it away all our chatter of our requests and laments.
There are many examples in the Gospels of Jesus praying specific requests to God. But what about all those times when he goes off to pray? What was he doing? What was he saying? I wouldn’t be surprised if he was sitting in God’s presence, not saying a word. That’s all; that’s enough.

Top Ten Prayer List

9/13/2020

I put the following on my cottage-by-the-sea blog.

Silence, solitude and simplicity! I thought I had it under control.  After all, until nine months ago, that’s how I lived, free from stressful or anxious situations. Although silence solitude, and simplicity remains in my being, I have to keep working on them more intentionally than ever. I am reminded of this each morning as I write out my daily Top Ten Prayer List, which used to be comprised exclusively of individual names. Now, however, DEMOCRACY, COVID, TEACHERS AND STUDENTS, AND FIRE take up four of those slots.

If you have been following this blog for a while you may be surprised that I mention my Top Ten Prayer, because over the years I have intentionally stayed clear of mentioning my faith. But this morning as I started writing about the challenge it is to live into silence, solitude and simplicity during these extraordinary times, I felt compelled to share that prayer is one way I stay free of stress and anxiety.

      For you, my prayer diary friends, I’m noticing that my faith is growing and becoming more intertwined with my longing for silence, solitude, and simplicity. I’m wondering if you are noticing something similar?
      Because of the pandemic, and because of my age (80), there is less I can do actively and socially to help bring about love in the world. And yet the flip side is also true; I now have the time to be in prayer about democracy (for all), health (for all), learning (for all), and physical safety (for all).
    So, pray away. I believe it is the most important thing we can do. Ask yourself, “What if everyone in the world prayed for peace?”

Meditation: Just show up!

9/5/2020

Once again, I have to push back on watching so much news. Once again, I return to spiritual practices that bring me hope. It’s pretty simple: when I let go of a bad habit, I have time to bring back a good one.

Meditation: I’m terrible at it, but that’s not the point. The rules are simple:
1.“Show up,” is the first. I smile at this one because what it is telling me is that if I don’t meditate I won’t’ meditate!
2. Set a timer and don’t open my eyes until it rings. If I follow that rule, there is no way I’ll be checking the clock. 15 minutes gives me success.
3. Sit up straight. Ah, less chance of falling asleep.
4. When a thought comes up, let it go and pay attention to my breathing.

In the land of the living

8/29/2020

I cry out to you, O Lord, I say, “You are my refuge, my portion in the land of the living.”
    The other night I woke up depressed. Yes, depressed; something that is not part of my disposition, nor my usual way of responding in the land of the living. The abuse of power by the president, and the crowds of people without masks overwhelmed me.
     I try not to be political on my blogs; I strive to be compassionate and uplifting. And so, as I write this I feel compassion for everyone trying to stay alive during this pandemic. Wearing a mask and staying out of crowds, isn’t political, it is lifesaving. As Flannery O’Connor tell us, “The life you save may be your own.”
      As I’ve mentioned before, I start each morning meditating, praying, and reading the Bible and other spiritual texts. This time with God gets me out of myself (in this case depression) and into God’s place of hope, faith, and love. God becomes my refuge, my portion (destiny) in the land where I live. Every morning I am grateful for this immediate paradigm shift. I am reminded that I am a human being, and thus I need this shift from self to God to happen again and again. And it does.
     God is much bigger than what is going on now in this country right now, something more than we can hope for or imagine. Every morning God gives me hope, moving me out of despair so I can listen to what I can do to be more loving and compassionate.

Faith's home is in the heart

8/18/2020

I’m one of those people who tries sooooo hard to get this spiritual life right. The effort, however, catapults me out of my heart and into my head, where living a life with God becomes a daily exercise, something on my to-do list, rather than a way of life.
I know and have come to believe that faith’s home is in the heart, where the soul resides. This story by Joan Chittister catapults me out of my head and back into my heart. She prefaces the story with these wise words:

The spiritual life is not something that is gotten for the wishing or assumed by affectation. The spiritual life takes discipline. It is something to be learned, to be internalized. It’s not a set of daily exercises; it’s a way of life, an attitude of mind, an orientation of soul. And it is gotten by being schooled until no rules are necessary.

Among the ancients there is a story told that confirms this insight to this day:

“What action shall I perform to attain God?” the disciple asked the elder.

“If you wish to attain God,” the elder said, “there are two things you must know. The first is that all efforts to attain God are of no avail.”

“And the second?” the disciple insisted.

“The second is that you must act as if you did not know the first,” the elder said.

Clearly, great pursuers of the spiritual life know that that secret of the spiritual life is to live it until it becomes real.

Facing the certainty of death

8/10/2020

A wonderful way to think and pray about the life to which you’ve been entrusted is to face into the certainty of your own death. The only thing uncertain about death is how and when we will die. Death is a part of life by God’s design. By facing into the inevitably of death you will find enormous freedom and clarity in the moments of life which you have now. All of us here may have as much as one more day, or another week, or another month, or year or perhaps many years. We don’t know.   Br. Curtis Almquist, SSJE

    During the pandemic there is no way to avoid thinking about death. We older folk are accustomed to considering how our end will come about and how our last years and days might be. We try to do some planning and do our best to be in control during this life stage.
   But the pandemic shifts everything for us because of its unpredictability and its power. We can choose to protect ourselves by social-distancing and wearing a mask but there are no guarantees. There are medical choices and prayers we can make, but there is no certainty they will work out. Anyone of us may contract Covid-19!
      I choose not to take up a hospital bed although I could end up in one. I ask not to be hooked up to a ventilator, but that could happen.
     I pray that no one in my family feels guilty. I pray that I will remain grateful for all the blessings in my life. Remaining grateful is up to me; a choice I can control.

Forgive yourself

7/27/2020

I’ve been thinking about forgiveness these days. Not the big ones that involve national and worldwide retribution, nor even the acts against democracy that are occurring as I write. No, I’m thinking about the little acts of self- forgiveness that are part of being a Christian; those thoughts and judgments about others that hold me back from living my life for God.
    When I think disparagingly of another, I knock them off the pedestal and put myself on instead. Of course, neither of us belong there; God does. I know this; we all know this.
    What comes first to get forgiveness going? Remember God, or remember that judgments are about ME, not God? At the moment I notice that my judgments often lead me to God, which leads me to forgiveness.  Knowing God forgives me isn’t enough. I must do my part; God and I as partners, friends, co-creators.
   As I try to make sense of what I’ve written, I realize that this self-forgiveness is not a sequential process. I hope some you get some glimmer of understanding. Just writing this has helped me. Thanks.

Opera during pandemic times

7/16/2020

Last night I listened to Puccini’s Turandot, thanks to the Met which has generously live-streamed productions from their archives. I hope the offer it again soon. Definitely my favorite Puccini.
Puccini’s Turandot
Starring Maria Guleghina, Marina Poplavskaya, Marcello Giordani, and Samuel Ramey, conducted by Andris Nelsons, stage production by Zeffirelli. From November 7, 2009.

Speaking of favorites, the night before the offering was La Traviata, my favorite Verdi.

Verdi’s La Traviata
Starring Ileana Cotrubaș, Plácido Domingo, and Cornell MacNeil, conducted by James Levine, stage production by Zeffirelli. Transmitted live on March 28, 1981

We’re off to the Vermont for the weekend, where the scenery is beautiful and the internet access non-existent.

Living for God

7/11/2020

Have you ever heard someone speak a truth that went right to your soul? That happened to me the other day, although it was something I read, not heard--same idea. This from James Koester SSJE in “Cowley” (Volume 46, No. 2, Spring 2020), the magazine of the Society of Saint John the Evangelist.

By living for God, we remind others that life does have a purpose, and the source of that purpose is the goodness and love of God.

It is the phrase living for God that went right to me. Isn’t that what we seekers want--a clear concise goal? And there it is in three simple words! Of course we can muddle in the details, and fail miserably and often, but the goal is easy to keep on the horizon. Three simple words embedded in our being.

https://www.ssje.org/cowleymagazine/

Love and Justice

7/2/2020

“Teacher, which commandment in the law is the greatest?” He said to him, “‘You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind.’ This is the greatest and first commandment. And a second is like it: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets.”
Matthew 22: 36-40
     Jesus calls us to live our lives with this great commandment. How do we do so during the everydayness of life and during the pivotal times we are living in now?
    Can we be both activists for justice and prayer people for justice? Of course we can; they aren’t mutually exclusive. And yet, if we are serious about dedicating our lives to the great commandment I suggest that we have to select whether we focus upon faith or works, love or justice, as our starting point and time commitment. Do we begin with the experience of injustice that is before our eyes, or with the word of God that is in our hearts?
     Working for justice in a serious way takes physical, mental, and emotional time and energy--committee work, writing letters, call people, knocking on doors, protesting. Praying for justice in a serious way also takes physical, mental, and motional time and energy--meditating, emptying the mind of thoughts and judgments, prayer, leading a simple, solitary life.
     I believe that God is leading me on the prayerful path. That doesn’t exclude activism, but helps me start with love as I pray for justice, and then at times become active for justice.