Prayer Diary

Start with love, respond in love, and keep love in sight

5/23/2020

Every day I feel more gratitude for my faith. How could I possible manage this pandemic if I had to count on myself and others to help get through this? (And I don’t have immediate problems.) How easy it is to blame others for what has gone wrong, for any downward mood springs, and for what might happen next! Or, to take credit when things go my way! Without God, this is where I invariably I go: my will be done, which is sometimes loving, but always led by the ego.
I won’t go into any theological discussion about God. What I know and have come to believe is that whatever we are dealt in life gives us the opportunity to start with love, respond in love, and keep love always as the goal. This involves mind, body, and spirit.
The mind helps us remember and think about love; the body can lead us to do loving acts; the spirit unites the two. It is through the spirit that I feel God is presence, leading me toward Thy will be done, not my will,

Forgiveness and humility in pandemic times

5/19/2020

No better time to let go of unnecessary judgments than during this pandemic time. There are myriad opportunities to analyze what everyone is doing, and then disapprove because they are not acting the way I think they should. I’m not talking about appropriate actions to avoid catching or spreading the virus, but about how people are personally responding emotionally and psychologically.
     Yesterday, in talking with a friend, I blurted out a negative comment about a mutual friend. Immediately God appeared, reminding me that this is precisely what I have been praying to let go of in my life. Also, immediately, Jesus walked away from my presence. Throughout the rest of the day I prayed for understanding and healing, and it came in the form of God’s forgiveness; God forgives and in accepting that radical gift, I can ease closer and closer to forgiving myself.
    God had another gift for me: the gift of humility, a gift I sorely need. Humility is a simple gift. It is neither fancy nor complicated, but it is hard to grasp or accept. It is not a gift I always want. And so I lose it, or put it away for Sunday morning. To be humble is to know and believe that I am not in charge; that good I want to do I can only do by praying Thy will be done.
     I leave you with two scriptures that continue to lead me to forgiveness and humility.

Therefore you have no excuse, whoever you are, when you judge others; for in passing judgment on another you condemn yourself, because you, the judge, are doing the very same thing.
Romans 2: 1

For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I do. Now if I do what I do not want, it is no longer I that do it, but sin that dwells within me.
Roman 7:19-20

Life after death

5/2/2020

I posted this on my cottage by the sea blog, but first I want to say more.
     My Christian faith, my belief in ‘life after death’, as the expression goes, gives me enormous comfort. In fact, it makes all the difference. I am grateful that I don’t feel any need to explain this further, either to others or to myself. I thankful for that because, I’d probably start creating/making up all kinds of ways it should be. Ah, how easy it is to play God.

    Up the street from where we live is Wadsworth Cemetery. Lately I’ve been going there after supper, but yesterday it was raining so I postponed by visit until this morning, when I set off at 6:30, coffee in hand.
    I find cemeteries peaceful, calming, and hopeful. If I can embrace that dying is part of living, that death is part of life, I can wander about among the grave stones and feel peaceful; I can breathe in the flowers, flags, sunlight and shadows and feel calm; I can look across the street to a home that was once a stop on the Underground Railroad and feel hopeful.
    COVID-19 is catapulting us to face the death issue, and forcing us to think about our own death and those we know and love, and to consider what the death of the universe as we know it might mean. Visiting cemeteries is one way to bridge the gap between living and dying, and between life and death. It is one way that brings me calm, peace, and hope.

Let go and let God

4/28/2020

At the cottage by the sea, 2012

Before this time of social distancing we spent our time thinking about what we were doing; now we have time to think about what we aren’t doing. Or, we can think about how this pandemic is effecting others and what they are doing to get through it. Admittedly, most of those thoughts are tough-- how people are surviving physically and emotionally. They drag me into despair, which is the opposite of hope; and into fear, whose opposite is love.
If I have time to wallow in this despair and fear, I have time to pray. It’s my choice. Do I let my mind wander to judge and criticize what everyone is doing wrong, or do I let my thoughts go to my heart where God resides?
Let go and let God.
Goggle the phrase and you’ll get a plethora of responses. Here’s one to get you started, but all you need to do is close your eyes, or take a walk, and be in your own prayerful way.

Here's the best road map I can give you when you want to learn how to surrender to God and let go:
Realize you're human and you don't have all the control, no matter how awesome and capable you are.
Take a moment. ...
Admit that you don't have to have all the answers, all the time. ...
Take a deep breath.
Pray. ...
Let.

Divine freedom

4/22/2020

I find myself in prayer much of the time right now, not simply because of the limitations of our current circumstances, but because I want to be a witness to such divine freedom. I believe it is this kind of prayer that may keep us from simply hoping things quickly return to “normal” (though that is a comforting thought to many) and instead praying for the courage to “change and grow in love.” Such courage is surely what we and the world truly need. Richard Rohr

    I, too, have more time for prayer; I, too, feel called to witness to the divine freedom we’ve been given.
     The circumstances of this pandemic have offered me more chronos time (time measured in seconds, minutes, hours, days, years etc.), and yet I feel this time is precious, not to be wasted. I don’t know what is coming next, not in the next year, day, hour, minute, or second. I hear Jesus telling me: Be alert at all times (Luke 21:36a): Beware, keep alert; for you do not know when the time will come (Mark13:33). And so, I stay awake and live in kairos time (time measured by the God moments), trying to lead a more prayerful life.
    Yes, I hope things will return to normal, but I know it will not be the same old, same old. Of course I want to move safely and make my own choices. My prayer, however, is that in this new normal we will all be more loving; I am praying for courage to do my part. The new normal is right now, moment by moment. Kairos and chronos time can become one.

God or manna--choose one

4/15/2020

I posted this on my cottage by the sea blog. Here I want to emphasize that excessive news watching and a longing for God don't mix well. You can't have both. In fact the news distances me from God. I can't follow God and manna.

I haven’t turned on the TV in seven days. No listening or watching. My husband tells me any BIG breaking news; my computer news feed alerts me as well, but after I read the headline, I let it go. Of course I care deeply about the COVID-19 situation and everyone involved. Of course I am committed to social distancing. Of course the pandemic is running much of my daily routine. That is a given for all of us.
However, I don’t have to allow it to have power over who I am, which was happening as I watched day after day, sometimes hour after hour. To put it bluntly, real fear crept in as I realized that President Trump, not God (use whatever word resonates with you), was running my life. Off went the TV. No surprise!! My daily routine became more peaceful, my general attitude calmer, and my entire being more tranquil.
If you have been following this blog for a while (I stated it in 2009) you are undoubtedly aware that I write about what I’m thinking, feeling, and doing, and that I refrain from giving advice. Today I am taking exception to that unwritten rule and advising you to turn off the news. Observe the changes in your very being. And, maybe, just maybe, your positive energy will spread throughout the world; maybe, just maybe, collectively we can make a difference for the good.

A letter of gratitude

4/13/2020

A letter of gratitude I send to the Brothers of the Society of St. John the Evangelist in Cambridge, Massachusetts.

Dear Brothers,
Every morning my husband and I start the day sharing what we are grateful for. Sometimes it is as simple as the coffee one of us goes downstairs to get. Of course behind that is gratitude that we have coffee and can afford to buy more, that we can handle the stairs, and that at age 80 we have each other.
    During my early morning prayer time I continue with gratitudes, which includes all of you because I am a Fellow. This Lenten season I have also been grateful for the way you have faithfully kept in contact through letters and cards, and through sermons and services over the internet. I am especially grateful for the Tenebrae service. The message of love, which Br. James so simply and eloquently offered in words, was conveyed in deed by the feet washing, and felt through the music.
    Love is Jesus’ message. One way to express it is to start with gratitude. I learned that from my mom who lived to be 101. She told me that she started her day with gratitude. “Every morning I thank God for my family and friends, my health, my life, and my faith.” And so, that is what I do, always adding gratitude for her. In fact, her last words, thirteen days before she died were, “Very grateful.”
     Thank you all for sharing your gratitude for God’s love, especially as expressed through the risen Jesus. All over the world people are calling out for strength and depth during this COVID-19 time. You ministry helps me know and come to believe that God is hearing and responding in more ways that any of us can hope for or imagine.
    In Christ,
Bobbi Fisher

My favorite resurrection story from my favorite museum, San Marco in Florence.

www.ssje.org

COVID-19 prayer

4/11/2020

…we invite you to join us in prayer for all those who are suffering as a result of COVID-19, those who have already lost their lives, and those who are healthcare workers attending to the sick. You can also dedicate your contemplative practice as a prayer for the benefit of all.  
God, we ask that all who are affected by this virus be held in your loving care. In this time of uncertainty, help us to know what  is  ours  to do. We know you did not cause this suffering but that you are with us in it and through it. Help us to recognize your presence in acts of kindness, in moments of silence, and in the beauty of the created world. Grant peace and protection to all of humanity for their well-being and for the benefit of the earth.  

This from Richard Rohr www.cac.org
WeeklySummary@cac.org

No more news

4/8/2020

God is definitely speaking to me during this COVID-19 pandemic. In the middle of last night I woke up—I’m talking AWAKE—worrying about our democracy. I finally fell back to sleep, but in the morning God told me, loud and clear, to stop watching the news. For the past thirty of so years God has been calling me to pray for people—individuals, situations and all of God’s world and God’s people. Now I am hearing that to do so I need an undivided mind/body/spirit, and seeing a DO NOT ENTER the News Room sign.
      I am reminded of the Rich Young Man * who asks Jesus what he needs to do to inherit eternal life. Jesus tells him to sell everything he owns, distribute the money to the poor, and come follow him. The man walks away. Jesus tells his disciples that these difficult task can’t be done alone; we need God’s help, but we can do it!
    Sell everything, means get rid of whatever gets in my way of following Jesus. My possession is not material; rather it is an obsession with the news and the fear it has over me. Whatever we hold on to and believe we can’t do without is an addiction. The good news is that Jesus asks us to get rid of whatever addiction is getting in the way of relationship with God, and that he will be with us as we follow him.
     I feel so relieved. Now I can rest.

* Matthew 19:16-22
* Mark 10:17-22
* Luke 18:18-22

Love or fear--a choice we can make~

4/4/2020

In the past few days I’ve realized that I’ve allowed this pandemic to take over very being. Watching the news was catapulting me into perpetual fear and diminishing by prayer time. This isn’t the first time I’ve allowed people or situations (read the devil) to be my god, nor the first time I’ve stepped back to let God back in to be the Good News in my life.
     This time, however, feels exponentially different, more poignant. In ways none of us can avoid, God is calling us to move from fear to love. Hmm, the only sensible choice, a choice that I believe we have. Why would we ever choose fear over love?
     Today in Around the Year with Emmet Fox, I read: Really there are only two feelings that a human being can have, namely love and fear….the great difference between the two feelings is that love is always creative, and fear is always destructive.
      Dwelling on the news fills me with fear: I know it is destructive—my mind/body/spirit tell me so. Prayer fills me with love: I know it is creative—my mind/body/spirit tells me so.
     What if everyone in the world prayed? What if everyone in the world chose love? Love begets love. Love blots out fear.