Category: Call

Being hard on myself

6/30/2019

“In the beginning Jesus Christ by His Spirit has to check you from doing a great many things that may be perfectly right for everyone else but not right for you.”
This quote from Oswald Chambers that I just posted as the daily quote has me thinking. Throughout adulthood people have told me that I am too hard on myself. I never agreed with them, always feeling and knowing that this is the way I should be. Chambers helps me clarify that I am on the right track in being hard on myself.
He goes on: “See that you do not use your limitations to criticize someone else.” I would add, ‘or to compare yourself with someone else.’ We are all on our own journey, and by grace some of us hear the call from God. That’s on only guidance I need to follow.

Being on call

5/23/2019

My pastor is on vacation and so I am on call this week; on call for pastoral care and pastoral visits. Since I visit most of the people who might need pastoral care this week, I feel prepared to step into an urgent situation. And yet, being the person has a different quality, putting me into a liminal space between heaven and earth. As I continue to lead my usual life, simultaneously God is holding me up. God has my back in a different way this week.
There is inherent isolation in this role where there is no middle man or woman. It’s just God, me, and the person in need. I don’t mean to imply that I am part of a hierarchy but I am called to help keep clear the channel between God and the person and family in need.

Being a Christian is a challenge

7/20/2017

     Being Christian is a challenge, a challenge for everyone. Considering my circumstance, it should be easy. After all, I was brought up in a loving church-going family with plenty of food on the table. I was expected to be ‘a nice people and do things for others,’ something I’m pretty good at, something I can surrender to, that is, on my own time and conditions. But that doesn’t make me a Christian.
     When our kids were growing up we were active in the Unitarian church, where people were nice and where opportunities to do things for others abounded. But that wasn’t enough for me. I wanted a God church, no, not wanted but needed a God church. Being nice on the outside, but critical, envious, judgmental, superior, angry, you name it, on the inside was gnawing at me. If it were just a question of trying, I’d be perfect. I knew I needed help. I returned to my roots, the United Church of Christ.
     Being Christian is a challenge. To follow Jesus means being a servant not a master: it means seeing the Christ in others, which means everyone; it means putting others before myself. Being a Christian means turning my world upside down and living it in from a Christ perspective; it means giving up my motives and surrendering to God’s.
     Being a Christian is a life challenge. The Bible is no easy self-help book. It takes complete surrender to God, living for God not for self. It takes prayer and willingness to open the door to the Holy. I want to believe that I’m in control of that door, but no, God is the door opener, Jesus the gate keeper. I have to be willing to see the opening and then go through.

Seeing the world through Jesus' lens~

6/4/2017

    I’m sitting this morning in an Edinburgh café sipping coffee and enjoying a butter croissant. My writing is going well. Each day I post about it on my cottagebythesea blog. Today after church at St. Andrews and St. George West Church near St. Andrew’s Square I’ll meet a friend for lunch. My days are grace filled.
     How easy to see my life through this grace-filled lens, to stop there and wallow in the blessings God has given me, and thus allow vain glory to creep in. The way I see it, vain glory is the sin of believing that God has singled me out for a special relationship, more special than God has done with others because I am so wonderful. No wonder vain glory is at the top of the sin continuum, separating us from God more than such sins as pride, envy, wrath, gluttony, lust, sloth and greed. Why? Because it removes us from thy will be done, replacing it with my will be done.
     I feel God calling me to view the world through a different lens. I see homeless men (and a few women) begging on the streets here in Edinburgh. On Iona Mark Braverman, a Christian Jew (author of A Wall in Jerusalem) spoke about the sin of violence against the poor and the refugee that is accepted and normalized in the name of religion. President Trump is neglecting human rights in his foreign policies, and choosing not to speak out against hate crimes in our country. My home church cut its outreach to the poor in order to balance the budget.
     Jesus saw the Roman Palestine of his times through the eyes of the oppressed, the poor, the powerless. If I am to follow Jesus, my gaze must go there, too. This is a humbling thought, with no place for vain glory, but definitely grace filled. I feel God is leading me to something new.
"Speak, for your servant is listening," 1 Samuel 3:10.

Call is love~

10/1/2016

When I consider Christian mission, I ask what God is calling us to do. For many years I’ve heard and come to believe that God is calling me to pray for people. With that, questions arise. What does it mean? How do I do it? How do I know I’m doing it right; that God is listening; that it makes a difference? The answers I hear come not from my mind but from my heart. They have to do with love.
God is love, so whatever God calls us to do is one of the myriad ways in the world we can show love. When I pray with an open heart, that is with love, without judgments or conditions, I know my prayer makes a difference. That is enough for me.

Call to pray for people~

9/2/2015

I believe that the prayer I offer makes a difference. I have to believe this or my life purpose would be a sham. I keep hearing that God is calling me to intercessory prayer, as the theological phrase goes, but to me, I just say that I pray for people. I do so for an hour in the morning and then throughout the day. My procedure varies but in general I say the person’s name and surround h/her with God’s love; sometimes I picture the person walking along with Jesus. When my mind starts taking over (a common occurrence) and I judge what ‘should’ happen, I take a few deep breaths, shake off the thought and sink deeper into God’s presence.

In rereading this, I realize how inadequately I have described what goes on when I pray; but today, at this moment, it is the best I can do. I try to put it into words because I feel called to help others interested in prayer. I share what I do in the hopes my example will help readers discern their own call.

It is difficult to write about prayer. Reading what I just wrote proves the point. Prayer is difficult and mysterious. I get distracted when I pray. I have doubts. Really, where did that call to pray for people come from? Who do I think I am? But I keep going. It has to be a call; but what does that mean? I keep going.

To be a monk in Fiesole--a fantasy~

4/16/2015

   I talk about my visit to the Chiesa di San Francesco in Fiesole in my cottagebythesea.net blog (posted below). Here I want to add some thoughts about faith.
     I am especially drawn to this little monastery. If I were a monk it is where I’d want to live. But then, when I ask myself, “What if you had to stay here for three months (don’t even consider your whole life) and follow the same daily office and routine every day?” my fantasies disappear. I like routine, but I also thrive on variety and on anticipating future plans, my plans. As a monk, all I’d have would be routine.
   The routine life of the monk is being in God’s presence and anticipating a future in the life to come, in life after death. Variety would only detract from this holy commitment. When I think of being a monk in these terms, I am humbled. Silence, solitude and simplicity, yes, but not all the time and not without variety and future plans in here and now.

     "One of my favorite day trips from Florence is to Fiesole. Hop on Bus #7 at Piazza San Marco and twenty-five minutes later there you are at the top of the hill overlooking Firenze. The Duomo looms large.
      There is much to see in Fiesole but I usually pass by the Roman forum, the local museums and cathedral, and climb the hill to the Chiesa di San Francesco. I can never resist talking pictures, and of course, blogging about it again.
     On this early spring day, all was silent. I was in solitude, and yet the few visitors who came along offered a comforting sense of community to this miniature monastic complex. After all, those of us who had ventured to this out-of-the-way place must be kindred spirits in some way!
     Every time I climb the stairs to gaze into the fourteenth century monks cells, I picture myself living in one of them. My AR (angel room) at home is not much bigger, but the comparison stops there. These cells are sparse—board for a bed, a desk and chair, Bible and cross. I won’t even begin to describe the AR! I will say, however, that these cells encourage me to simplify, to get rid of things, mainly books that are from another stage of life, books that I will never read again."

Volunteering at the Concord Prison~

12/11/2014

I’m with my sisters in DC; fortunately Margot lives in the area and offers a five star B&B. Speaking for fortunate, I realize how very true that is for me. That being said, I’m aware that my being fortunate is based on my ‘luck’ of birth, and, how fragile that fortune is becoming. I am now part of the racial minority in this country. The walls are coming down. Why has it taken so long for me to hear Jesus’ message—feed the poor, don’t be like the scribes and Pharisees.

So what to do? I’m considering volunteering at the Massachusetts Correctional Institution, referred to around here as the Concord Prison. I need to put that out there. Um, is that what God is calling me to?

St. Cuthbert's Parish Church, Edinburgh~

9/14/2014

In her book "The Healing Light", Agnes Sanford found she had difficulty praying for healing for people when she was not in their presence. She records a conversation she had with a lady Minister on this subject:

"I can help them when I'm with them, but my prayers from a distance don't seem to result in healing at all."
"Oh my dear, you're seeing them sick", cried the beautiful old minister.
"What do you mean?", I asked puzzled. "I'm not seeing them at all, I'm just thinking of them. And, of course, they're sick, or I wouldn't be praying for them."
"Yes you are seeing them," she replied patiently. "When you think of someone you always see the person in your mind. If you really believe he's going to be well, you see him well.". "…When you pray for someone, you must learn to see him well.

This from St. Cuthbert’s Parish Church, Edinburgh, http://www.st-cuthberts.net

Much to ponder. When I pray for someone who is physically ill, it is difficult for me to really believe that they will be cured, much less that my prayer will make the difference. On the other hand, I have more hope when I pray for someone to come out of the darkness, to rise above depression. My call to pray for people goes on.

Service of Commitment, Iona Abbey~

6/12/2014

The Service of Commitment last evening was led by a group of young boys, about 12 years of age, who are on retreat at the Macleod Center, which is part of the Iona Abbey complex.

      Two boys participated in a dialogue between Jesus and Peter. Jesus, called out, “Peter, follow me.” Peter kept asking what that would entail. Jesus kept answering, “Follow me.”

    The second part of the services was comprise of four readings, each expressing different reasons for our reluctance to follow Jesus, each excuse framed as a secret: issues of money, relationships, health, and private faith.

     What to make of this Jesus call? It’s frightening, counter cultural. I’m not used to following without asking questions, without getting answers. What fool would do that? None of us.

      And what about my very legitimate excuses? I fit into all four categories, although probably a ‘exclusive’ relationship with God is my specialty. I don’t want to give up my illusion that I am in control of how God acts in my life.

    There’s much to take on, primarily taking on the role of fool.

…. I wrote the above before my walk. Now I’m back. Can’t believe that I started out asking Jesus a bunch of questions, to which he answered, “Follow me.” So I’m trying to follow and listen.