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  A Prayer Diary

Centering prayer at 'The Well"

3/22/2014

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My church offers a Wednesday evening service. The invitation is as follows:

    Join us Wednesday nights at 7pm for worship at "The Well."  Throughout Lent these intimate and informal services will look at different spiritual practices that can be used anywhere: including church, home or work.  Spiritual practices can be helpful to relieve stress, seek guidance, and give thanks throughout your life.

     Last Wednesday we experienced centering prayer. I do my own version at the cottage, but seldom do I pray in this way with others. Praying in community is mighty powerful and very different from praying alone. We pray with others in church, but centering prayer isn’t part of the service. I’d love more opportunities but I don’t want to commit myself to something formal or scheduled. Um, how self-centered is that? Much to consider.


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Listening to Constance Demby~

2/26/2014

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Yesterday a writer friend came for tea. We had a marvelous, conversation about life and about our writing. I was totally energized, but then, by 7, I felt incredibly sleepy. I couldn’t keep my eyes open to read, and yet it was too early to go to bed. I also felt very content and complete, and so I lit the candle my friend had given me, and sat in the chaise on ‘the deck’, listening to Sacred Space Music by Constance Demby. I usually keep the cottage silent, but last  evening God seemed very present in the music.

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The Art of Prayer~

1/23/2014

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I’ve been working through The Art of Prayer: An Orthodox Anthology, a collection of ancient Orthodox writings compiled in the first half of the twentieth century by Igumen Charlton, a Russian Orthodox monk. I say working through because every morning I read a small section, no more than a page, and meditate on what it means to me. It is going to take me at least two years to finish the book, but that’s just as I want it to be.

     Each entry is a gem for contemplation, for prayer, for meditation. This morning’s reading Chapter IV, The Fruits of Prayer, by Theophan the Recluse.



May the Lord give you the blessing of a strong desire to stand inwardly before God. Seek and you will find. Seek God: such is the unalterable rule for all spiritual advancement. Nothing comes without effort. The help of God is always ready and always near but is only given to those who seek and work, and only to those seekers who, after putting all their own powers to the test, then cry out with all their heart: Lord, help us. So long as you hold on to even a little hope of achieving something on your own powers, the Lord does not interfere. It is as though He says: ‘You hope to succeed by yourself—Very well, go on trying ! But however long you try you will achieve nothing.’ May the Lord give you a contrite spirit, a humble and contrite heart.


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Early morning prayer~

12/28/2013

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One of the benefits in getting up at 5:30, is that regardless of all the holiday activities, my solitary morning prayer time is never compromised. Very few people get up that early, and if they do, they are into their own meditation ritual. Activities or parties start after a big late morning breakfast, so no interruption there.

      This season my prayer time has been more heartrending, more necessary, and more powerful than ever. As my faith grows, so does my desire to be with God and to ask for and receive God’s guidance. I’m still amazed at how each morning God’s presence returns to me, to the mind of my heart. Of course during the day I let it fly away. It disappears, but less often and for shorter lengths of time, so it seems.  



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Convent of San Marco

9/6/2013

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I am continually in awe when I visit the Convent of San Marco. My favorite place in all of Florence; an icon of 15th century Florentine Renaissance history, art and faith.














    Sitting in the inviting cloister offers plenty of solace.


But then, there is the breath-taking approach at the head of the staircase leading to the Upper Floor. The Annunciation. An ‘aesthetic experience’, for sure.

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I spent a long time in front of this fresco this morning. It’s always been a favorite because I can’t help but look at it and wonder what God is calling me to do. And then there is the humility that Mary exudes, which I can almost feel within my reach.

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If this isn’t enough, walk down the corridors and peak into the dormitory cells, each with a fresco by Fra Angelico depicting a scene from the life of Christ.

    If only I could live there, I would pick Cell 1--Noli me tangere, with Jesus telling Mary Magdalene, “Do not to touch me, for I am not yet ascended to the Father.” I love the colors and the composition, and I have always been mystified by Jesus’ comment, for I often feel an approach-avoidance with Jesus. But here is a direct rebuff. It is a seminal moment. Mary has to wait until Jesus ascends, and when he does, Mary becomes all of us, and Jesus becomes accessible to us all.
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A sometimes hermit~

8/27/2012

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In the Christian tradition a hermit is someone who withdraws to live in solitude in order to find union with God through prayer and meditations. This appeals to me, but not as a way to be all the time. After all, I was brought up as a social being, to participate in community, and besides, God is calling me to reach out to others beyond prayer and mediation.

     I like my rhythm these days. A great deal of hermit time, and then out I go, trying my best to do a little of God’s work in the world.

Rising very early before dawn, he (Jesus) left and went off to a deserted place, where he prayed….He answered them (his disciples), “let us go on to the neighboring towns, so that I may proclaim the message.
Mark 1:35,38.

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Ronald Rolheiser and the struggle with contemplation

12/12/2011

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Can you see the two gulls?
I’m still reading The Shattered Lantern: Rediscovering A Felt Presence of God,  by Ronald Rolheiser; still reading and rereading very slowly, just a small section at a time, like a meditation. Rolheiser thesis: “our struggle with unbelief, the struggle to make God more real in ordinary life, is really a struggle with contemplation,” which he says is distorted by “narcissism, pragmatism, and excessive restlessness.” Needless to say, all three of these distortions get in the way of my contemplation, of my leading a prayerful life.

    Today at the cottage I’m considering restlessness. I came out on the deck with my lunch, promising myself that I would sit and be in the moment, savoring my soup and sandwich, delighting in the beauty of the clear sunny day-- contemplating God. I made it through, but my task became one of contending with my restlessness more than resting in contemplation. Mentally, I had to tie myself to the chair so I wouldn’t start reading or writing. In other words, my restlessness was in wanting to do something, a theme of mine for the past three seasons at the cottage, no, actually for my entire life. Not a bad way to be, but as Rolheiser suggests, excessive restlessness keeps us from God.

     My gull friends know how to relax and be in the moment. They sat perched on the rocks during my entire lunch time. No excessive restlessness for them. Were they contemplating? That’s a question I won’t get into.


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Opening the door to God~

12/7/2011

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It’s foggy out there today and the sea is churning about; and yet, I can see the houses across the bay and the waves aren’t crashing onto the rocks. It’s drizzling but not enough for an excuse not to take a walk.

     My weather report reminds me of my search for God’s presence this morning after being away from the cottage for six days. God was there, distant but present, attainable but waiting for me to make the effort. Isn’t that the way it is for those of us who know God? We have to do our part; God won’t do all the work.

     Ronald Rolheiser, in The Shattered Lantern: Rediscovering a Felt Presence of God, writes: “God is no longer present in ordinary awareness because ordinary awareness is not long contemplative.” I may come to this cottage by the sea to practice contemplation, but just being here isn’t enough. I have to take contemplation time. I have to make the effort to invite God in. Some mornings God is right here, but other mornings I have to open the door. I find it helps to have a morning routine of prayer, readings and journaling to unlock the door, especially on those mornings when God’s knocking is every so quiet. Sometimes it takes all my energy to discipline myself to go through the motions. But the result is always awesome; God always comes in.


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