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  A Prayer Diary

A new look at suffering

3/30/2020

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    I grew up in the United Church of Christ, where I heard that Jesus loves me and that God loves me. We didn’t sin; we made mistakes and our loving God was there to forgive us and help us to do better. My New England church was simple, displaying no art work, only an empty cross that (I assumed but was never told) signified Jesus’ resurrection. No suffering Jesus in sight. In fact, I recall no conversation about suffering; it seemed that no one in my church suffered; other people did, but not us.
      Much of that church experience has stood me in good stead. Generally speaking I am positive, upbeat, forgiving and loving. At least that’s what I strive for, because that is what I was taught and how I was treated.
      Although Covid-19 is a challenge, I am still benefitting from the messages I learned during my first 18 years from my church (and my parents). But this Lenten season  I am taking a new look at suffering; there is no way to avoid it. People I know and love are suffering; suffering could be just around the corner for all of us. The amazing grace is that my faith is deepening. Jesus’ suffering is become a gift.

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Good Friday forsaking

4/13/2017

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Good Friday tomorrow. Always a challenge for Protestants because Jesus’ crucifixion isn’t where we dwell. Our churches don’t display crucifixes; they show the empty cross, symbol of the resurrection. And yet, I notice more attention to Holy Week than I recall growing up. We’re beginning to face the complete picture, read the whole story.
Margaret Bullitt-Jonas, in “Christ’s Passion, Our Passions: Reflections on the Seven Last Words from the Cross,” helps me be present to Good Friday. In each chapter she addresses the comments in the gospels made by Jesus from the cross.
‘My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?’ is the most provocative for me. It is hard to accept that Jesus felt such despair. Does that mean that he lost his faith? Bullitt-Jonas has faith that God was with Jesus even though he may not have been aware of it at the time. She asks us to enter into presence with Jesus and open up to what transpires. Listen to and learn from Jesus in his time of anguish and hopelessness.


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Lenten presence~

3/3/2017

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     We are three days into Lent. It seems that the Lenten conversation, whether it be with ourselves or with others, often centers on two questions: What should I give up? What should I take on? Notice the word should, which seems to imply something I HAVE to do. But who said? Not God, not Jesus. If that isn’t the point, what is?
     Taking a Biblical route to sort this out isn’t the rocky road I am being shown this year. Rather, I’m being led toward the presence of God, which is a relatively smooth, uncomplicated path—just do it. I was shown this path at the beginning of year when my reading for compassion project led me toward God’s presence, and now in March my Lenten pondering is doing the same.
     Being present with (not to) God is the ultimate call, the reason for everything we do, be it giving something up or taking something on. To be at one with God—atonement, on-one-ment—to be in God’s presence. Lenten practices, be they fasting or taking on some responsibility, keep God in our consciousness and keep us in communion with God. They are a means to an end, not an end in and of themselves. Being with God, that’s it.


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Holy Saturday: a centering prayer day.

3/26/2016

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     I’ve never paid much attention to Holy Saturday. Growing up I don’t recall it ever mentioned in my UCC church. Just a day when nothing happened, nothing going on at church. That’s still true. I can see my church from our upstairs window and all is quiet. No cars in the parking lot. No service to attend.
And yet, I notice that Holy Saturday is very much with me this year. Not on my mind, as in thinking, but as a presence, a presence of the God of centering prayer; the God that comes to me when I stop analyzing, stop trying to figure things out, stop wanting to do it my way.
     Today I feel particularly calm; I am living a centering prayer day. I’ll be doing my regular activities-- cooking, enjoying family, reading, writing, and walking--but I sense that my mind will be empty of some of the usual, excessive and unnecessary chatter. Yes, a centering prayer day.


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Maundy Thursday: come as you are~

3/24/2016

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Holy week: Palm Sunday and then three quiet days before Maundy Thursday.
    Potluck at my church tonight means    just that. Bring what you want if you can. I figure that if it is mainly brownies and cookies, most people will be thrilled. If all we get is salads, then we’ll depart healthy. Potluck also means bring if you can. Older folk don’t cook; some come right from work; some need a break from it all. The main thing is that we are together to eat and break bread: to realize that Jesus gave that bread to one who would betray him and one who would deny him: to believe that he forgives us; and to remember that is he we try to follow. We come as we are.


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Finding and maintaining balance

2/27/2016

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   In the daily posting from Society of St. John the Evangelist as part of the Lenten series, Growing a Rule of Life, Brother Curtis posed the following question: How can you find and maintain a healthier balance in your life? He then offered three ways that he strives for balance every day.
   First, have beauty in your life, regardless of the challenges that face you. He suggests we consciously take beauty into our daily diet. Living in country I’m apt to take the beauty around me for granted, even on my walk. Today I will take in beauty.
   Next, every day plan something enjoyable in your life. Again, I take those moments for granted. Today I will plan something enjoyable.
   Do not ‘dis’ or disrespect yourself. There are so many way we can be negative about ourselves. Today I will not ‘dis’ myself.
   He also suggests we part with something every day. “Even in a monastery we accumulate things and I find it enormously liberating – I travel lighter – by parting with something every day. It will also change your relationship to things, where you’re aware that you’re stewarding something for as long as it’s helpful, and when it’s time to let it go, you part with it. Not cling, but part with it.” Today I will get rid of something.
   Finally, Br. Curtis urges us to create a Sabbath habit. Taking time away from busyness doesn’t have to be for a day but for a period of time. I’m pretty go at this now that I’m retired, but I can feel I’m on the run. Today I will be conscious of a Sabbath moment.


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Invocation for Lent, by Kate Mclhagga

2/13/2016

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Into the dark world
a snowdrop comes,
a blessing of hope and peace
carrying within it a green heat:
symbol of God’s renewing love.
Come to inhabit our darkness, Lord Christ,
for dark and light are alike to you.
May nature’s white candles of hope
remind us of your birth
and lighten our journey
through Lent and beyond.
Kate Mclhagga


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Ash Wednesday again; Lent again.

2/10/2016

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      My church has two services, one at noon, the other at 7:00. Each will be different, but each will offer ashes and communion. I will attend both.
     I wonder what will be different about this Lent from all the others in which I’ve participated. I remember my dad suggesting I take on something not just give up something. I tried to do both but I’m pretty sure I didn’t challenge myself. By that I mean really give up something important like morning coffee, or really take on something like cooking and delivering a meal every day to someone in need. I smile and whatever example I come up with. One of the points of giving up something is to remember God, which I would definitely do without coffee. But that’s just the start. The bigger point is to hear what God wants me to take on.
     One of the scriptures read on Ash Wednesday is Isaiah 58:1-12. The prophet talks about selfish reasons we fast, and then the Lord goes on to say:
   Is not this the fast that I choose; to loose the bonds of injustice, to undo the thongs of the yoke, to let the oppressed go free, and to break every yoke? Is it not to share your bread with the hungry, and bring the hopeless poor into your house; when you see the naked, to cover them, and not to hide yourself from your own kin? Then your light shall break forth like the dawn, and your healing shall spring up quickly; your vindicator shall go before you, the glory of the Lord shall be your rear guard. Then you shall call, and the Lord will answer, you shall cry for help, and he will say, Here I am (Isaiah 58:6-9).
I am still questioning the giving up and taking on aspect of Lent. Maybe
what’s important right now is the question not the answer.



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Lent 2015 from SSJE~

1/19/2015

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Ash Wednesday is just a month away, February 18th to be precise. The Brothers of Saint John the Evangelist are offering a Lenten on-line series about Time, which begins on that date. I recommend you look into and sign on. Here’s the information.

http://ssje.org/ssje/time/

     “So much of our stress and anxiety derives from our pollution of Time. God has given us the gift of time, and called it holy, yet we often experience time as a curse. In a series of short, daily videos over five weeks, the Brothers of SSJE invite us to recapture time as a gift. Join the Brothers as they wrestle with questions of time and discover how to experience the joy of the present moment.

     “This series starts on 5am local time Ash Wednesday: February 18, 2015 and is designed so that everyone in your community can participate. Everyone is busy. Time is at a premium. It is hard for all to come together to deepen our faith.

     “Each theme is introduced with a video of a Brother priming us for the week’s theme. The theme is then explored in depth in six short reflection videos (around 2 minutes each). A compilation video is also available each Sunday.

     “Each reflection video ends with a thought-provoking question for you to ponder over the course of the day, then answer on the worksheet.”

Get the accompanying workbook:

Download the free PDF booklet

Buy from Forward Movement


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Good Friday vigil~

4/18/2014

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I remember Good Friday growing up. We had the day off from school and from 12 to 3 my UCC church held a vigil. Just watch. No music, no program, no words. Just sit and watch. I like to think that I remember staying for the entire time, but I’m not at all certain that I did. I like to think that my experience was very profound, but I’m not at all certain that it was.

After all, except for this Good Friday vigil, my church upbringing centered on Easter.

      Today I still can’t get my mind around what this day means. I’ve stopped trying to figure out the theology of it all, but this year I am aware that my heart is responding. The most I am able to say, or want to say, is that I’m feeling some holy embrace for all the suffering in the world.  Knowing Jesus suffered gives me hope.



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