Category: Suffering

A new look at suffering

3/30/2020

I grew up in the United Church of Christ, where I heard that Jesus loves me and that God loves me. We didn’t sin; we made mistakes and our loving God was there to forgive us and help us to do better. My New England church was simple, displaying no art work, only an empty cross that (I assumed but was never told) signified Jesus’ resurrection. No suffering Jesus in sight. In fact, I recall no conversation about suffering; it seemed that no one in my church suffered; other people did, but not us.
Much of that church experience has stood me in good stead. Generally speaking I am positive, upbeat, forgiving and loving. At least that’s what I strive for, because that is what I was taught and how I was treated.
Although Covid-19 is a challenge, I am still benefitting from the messages I learned during my first 18 years from my church (and my parents). But this Lenten season I am taking a new look at suffering; there is no way to avoid it. People I know and love are suffering; suffering could be just around the corner for all of us. The amazing grace is that my faith is deepening. Jesus’ suffering is become a gift.

Seeing the world through Jesus' lens~

6/4/2017

    I’m sitting this morning in an Edinburgh café sipping coffee and enjoying a butter croissant. My writing is going well. Each day I post about it on my cottagebythesea blog. Today after church at St. Andrews and St. George West Church near St. Andrew’s Square I’ll meet a friend for lunch. My days are grace filled.
     How easy to see my life through this grace-filled lens, to stop there and wallow in the blessings God has given me, and thus allow vain glory to creep in. The way I see it, vain glory is the sin of believing that God has singled me out for a special relationship, more special than God has done with others because I am so wonderful. No wonder vain glory is at the top of the sin continuum, separating us from God more than such sins as pride, envy, wrath, gluttony, lust, sloth and greed. Why? Because it removes us from thy will be done, replacing it with my will be done.
     I feel God calling me to view the world through a different lens. I see homeless men (and a few women) begging on the streets here in Edinburgh. On Iona Mark Braverman, a Christian Jew (author of A Wall in Jerusalem) spoke about the sin of violence against the poor and the refugee that is accepted and normalized in the name of religion. President Trump is neglecting human rights in his foreign policies, and choosing not to speak out against hate crimes in our country. My home church cut its outreach to the poor in order to balance the budget.
     Jesus saw the Roman Palestine of his times through the eyes of the oppressed, the poor, the powerless. If I am to follow Jesus, my gaze must go there, too. This is a humbling thought, with no place for vain glory, but definitely grace filled. I feel God is leading me to something new.
"Speak, for your servant is listening," 1 Samuel 3:10.

Welcoming the stranger, the children~

7/24/2014

What about all the children, all the children around the world? Praying the news always, has to include them. The children effected by the bombing of the aircraft over the Ukraine; the children in the Middle East; the children coming across the borders in the U.S.

     This from my denomination, the United Church of Christ.

"The National Officers of the United Church of Christ and the Council of Conference Ministers — the leaders of the denomination’s regional conferences — share this pastoral letter addressing the tens of thousands of young refugees fleeing Central and Latin America and seeking safety in the United States. In a unified voice, UCC leaders declare their support for these children that are leaving their homelands out of fear. This is a unique moment that tests the church’s commitment for justice and peace .

"Recognizing that the influx of unaccompanied children fleeing violence in Central America requires a robust humanitarian and advocacy response, UCC leaders call on all settings of the church to “care for the stranger in our midst."

http://www.ucc.org/news/pastoral-letter-child-refugee-07232014.html

     This heartfelt situation forces me to confront my beliefs, particularly as a Christian. Of course I welcome the stranger, of course, in the abstract I can say that. But truth be told, I do it better in theory than in practice. I don’t often allow discomfort and upheaval to come through my front door, through the border of my home. Saying that I don’t know how to welcome the stranger can be an excuse to nothing. And then there are all the political, practical ramifications. Can we really care for the children that have already come across? Will our caring encourage more to step over the border? Will we be able to care for ‘too many’? What about the children born into poverty in this country? When I ask those questions it becomes clear to me that welcoming these children calls for a paradigm shift in the way we distribute wealth and services in this country.

    All of this, however, has to be beside the point for me. Why? Because I have opted out of delving into the politics of the news, and of voicing an opinion of what leaders should do. I have chosen to apolitical. Instead, I have chosen to be prayerful, to see life through a God lens, to listen and take heed to what Jesus said,

"The King will answer and say to them, 'Truly I say to you, to the extent that you did it to one of these brothers of Mine, even the least of them, you did it to Me.' Matthew 25:40

A spark of grace~

12/4/2013

Here at the cottage, with the gift of time, I’ve been thinking and praying about grace. It’s all a mystery-- prayer, faith, hope, blessings, gratitude, as well as despair, suffering, affliction, tragedy. I start with the mystery, but once I acknowledged all of it, I find some peace, and yes, even grace. The basket of grace, so it seems, holds joys and concerns, health and sickness, pleasure and suffering. Grace embraces the entire human condition. Grace makes okay whatever happens.

    Theophan the Recluse, a 19th century Russian monk, speaks of ‘a spark of grace’ that appears in our hearts. In writing about the Jesus Prayer, he suggests that although prayer itself does not produce the spark, it can help us receive it. Yesterday I received that spark.

     In The Hermitage Journals: A Diary Kept While Working on the Biography of Thomas Merton, John Howard Griffin writes about both his and Merton’s awareness that that God was seeking them. In paraphrasing Merton, Griffin says, “I am here, not because I come here seeking God, but because God wants to find me.”

      Griffin continues, “’I am here where Christ wants to find me.’ That is enough. No seeking, because there in the surrounding silence all that would otherwise be loneliness is filled with Christ, filled with that ravishment.”

      A spark of grace for me. Here I am, trying so hard to find God, laboring to let God in, thinking that I control God, when just maybe God is trying to find me, let me in, control me. Here I am in this beautiful place, surrounded by silence, solitude and simplicity. This is God’s place, not mine. God has invited me in. “Surely God is in this place, and I didn’t know it.”

Peace and quiet and the fog~

12/2/2013

I love the peace and quiet and the fog here at the cottage his morning as I sit here, feeling the pain of so many. A friend's son took his life; another friend's son is in a mental institution so he won't, a young mother I know has died of cancer, leaving a husband and their five year old daughter; a friends infant granddaughter is experience medical complications; and then there are all the issues of poverty, war, the earth. What to do? It’s hard to put this into words, but I feel that my job/calling is to hold (in prayer) the pain for these people and situations.

Mysteriously, all of this is pain is lifting me somewhere else. Closer to God? (I’m not certain if that’s the way to frame it, but it’s the best I can do at the moment.) With this prayer call I’m shifting from a mental ‘I’m sorry’ to a pain, ache, an experience of the heart. Prayer is no longer something I do mentally as much as something I feel compassionately. The sadness is intense, settled in deep in my being, not in my head. Yesterday I had a fear that it would overwhelm me toward depression; today it is settling in as a given for me by God. It’s very personal. Yesterday I wanted to share it with someone, some spiritual director or spiritual friend; today I’m fine sharing it with God (and on this blog).

Hope in the midst of affliction~

11/22/2013

So many friends with afflictions, sorrows that feel like more than one can bear. And yet, with God’s help we do get through it. Jesus suffered but then we remember, that's not the end of the story. We call His words, “I will be with you until the end of the age.”

‘My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?’

11/19/2013

I just got word that a young mother, a wife, friend, a woman full of light and love has died. What can we make of such unfairness? We lament like Job, like the psalmists. Like Jesus we call out, ‘My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?’

I am grateful for all these laments, especially for Jesus’ words that let me know that I can be angry, that anger, despair, and even hopelessness are all part of the human condition. Simone Weil writes: “Affliction constrained Christ to implore that he might be spared, to seek consolation from man, to believe he was forsaken by the Father. It forced a just man to cry out against God, a just man as perfect as human nature can be, more so perhaps, if Job is less a historical character than a figure of Christ.”

Jesus and Job called out to God in their affliction, but they never left God, they never stop believing in God’ love; they just didn’t understand.

That’s where I am now, trying to understand, waiting in hope for the resurrection. Thank God the story isn’t over.

Praying for the world~

3/21/2013

It seems reasonable to say that prayer people believe that it is important to pray for the world—world peace, an end to violence, saving environment—those big issues that are on the nightly news. Lately I’ve been praying more seriously for them instead of limiting my prayer for individuals and situations that I am intimately involved with. And lest I forget to do so, I’m reminded every Sunday in church at the conclusion of joys and concerns when Terry asks for prayers for ‘peace in the world, peace in our families and peace in our hearts.’ It’s become a sacred part of the service.

I don’t believe that I have to be an expert on current events in order to pray for the world. Not that I’m against being informed, but immersing myself in the news fills me with judgments that detract from my prayer. After all, prayer is about ‘Thy will be done’ not about what the government should do. God’s will is love, which is the context for my prayer for non-violence, for caring for the poor and for the environment, and for world peace. I’m praying that we can come closer to ‘Thy kingdom come on earth as it is in Heaven.’

A good day for faith~

10/19/2012

Four days since I posted. Today it is raining, and as I’ve discovered over the years, dreary days can be especially poignant. In the loneliness of a gray sky, God appears without mask or disguise. God speaks with honesty and clarity. Any truth about ourselves is right on center stage; we know that God knows what it is all about it.

On days like this we can’t dismiss or avoid Jesus’ suffering, and so we feel our own as well. Relief can only come from helping someone else. This is a good day for faith.

Balancing gratitude and suffering~

9/15/2012

No, that's not me.

My ‘top ten’ prayer list feels unusually intense and crowded these days. By intense, I mean that there are many people I know who are really suffering medically and emotionally-- big time. And of course that brings in their families and friends. As the circle expands, sometimes ten spots just aren’t enough.

I am aware that my situation is not unique, all of which makes me realize how much suffering is going on in every little corner of the world. And yet, in another sense it is unique. I live near some of the best medical facilities in the world, and I don’t live in anything that resembles a war torn neighborhood. I’m trying to balance gratitude and suffering, but isn’t that what we’re all working on?