Blog Archives

Holy Ground

7/30/2011

        I have been feeling somewhat overwhelmed with sadness on this idyllic summer day. Within the span of four days I will have attended three funerals. I tend to categorize deaths in terms of good or bad, tragic or “normal”, and sometimes that helps me face the truth so I can understand and begin to move on. I’ve already done that with these deaths, but that’s not my focus right now. Rather, I’m thinking about the accumulation of sadness that comes with three deaths so close together, along with the fading away of my 101 year-old mother and my brother-in-law on hospice. That’s a great deal of heaviness: too much to hold at one time if anyone tries to do it alone.

     In fact, that’s just what I tried to do this morning. I can’t believe it, but at first I forgot God, and then I decided that God couldn’t do what I thought I needed. You see, when I am sad, my modus operandi is to pray for someone else, bypassing myself, my needs. I forget to pray for help, and today that’s what I needed, God’s help, God’s embrace.

       I’m about to go to the funeral of a man in his eighties; two days ago if was for a thirty-two year old man with downs syndrome; tomorrow for a women in her late forties who died suddenly of a brain tumor. The minute I asked God for love and support, something shifted inside me. I am still sad, but I feel I am walking on holy ground, along with everyone that I am praying for and praying with. We can’t do this alone, it is said.

How to pray for people

7/29/2011

(Here I am again, working on how and what to pray for people.)

Many Protestants are familiar with the following benediction at their Sunday church service: The Lord bless you and keep you;the Lord make his face to shine upon you, and be gracious to you; the Lord lift up his countenance upon you, and give you peace.

We could easily conclude that these are from one of Paul’s epistles, but no, they are the words of God speaking to Moses (Numbers 6.24-26). When I read them this morning, I was aware of how beautifully they sum up what I want to pray for people. Yes, I want to pray that disease is cured, that the sun shines, that people mend their ways; and yes, I do offer such prayers. But this prayer from Numbers shifts all my judgments and “shoulds” to the side and clears the way for me to pray, “Thy will be done.”

The twinkle and smile of a lifetime

7/26/2011

Tim and I visited my mom yesterday. I don’t know if it was the delight in seeing her grandson, or something more in the category of miraculous, but the twinkle had return to Mom’s eyes and the smile to her lips. We didn’t speak much and she is eating very little, but she was alive in her own 101 year way. More than that, she was wearing her twinkle and smile of a lifetime.

Violence is not the Christian way

7/24/2011

       On my Top Ten Prayer List today I’ve added the citizens of Norway and all the family and friends effected by the bombing and shootings there. Actually I’m praying for all the citizens of the world. We all play a part in this and need to curtail our anger.

      Where does anyone get the idea of killing in the name of Christianity? As Jesus healed the ear of the Roman soldier, his last words before being arrested were, “No more of this.”

    I can be aghast at this kind of brutality, but what about my own anger? Whether it be “socially acceptable” anger, or more personal, I have to name it, examine it, and lift it up to God. Of course, I’m not alone. My church friends are there for me; scripture is replete with God’s responses to people’s anger. Then there is Jesus’ message of a loving, forgiving God. Sounds simple, but it isn’t easy unless I willing to surrender. Did anyone say that being a Christian was easy?

Top Ten Prayer List

7/21/2011

Prayer list and prayer book.

    Every morning, on a tiny little post-it, I write out my “Top Ten Prayer List" for the day. Some of the names are the same from day to day, others come and go, and a few appear only once. My mom has been a steady since December, and will be until she exhales that last breathe; family and friends, are frequent visitors; sometimes I’m asked to pray for someone and so on the list he or she goes. And of course ten is not a magic number.
       I do my best to pray intentionally throughout the day for these people. I’d like to do so every hour, but that just doesn’t happen.
      At any given time there are one or two people on the list whom I do not know. Usually their situation is very complicated and fraught with complex family dynamics, and with as many conflicting opinions as there are people involved. And yet, there is something pure and easy about my prayer in these situations. I don’t have to rid my mind of judgments about what everyone “should” do, and my emotions and needs aren’t crying out for attention. All I want is God’s highest good and love to surround everyone. And so that is what I pray.

The mystery of prayer~

7/18/2011

There are two things I can say for certain today about prayer; maybe tomorrow there will be something else. But for right now I am confident to state, one, that I believe in prayer, and two, that it is a mystery, and thus can’t be describe in words. It occurs to me that this is what I often say about prayer when I’m writing this blog. Let’s just say that it’s one of my themes. So why, I ask myself, the repetition with nothing substantially new added?
Um, maybe I’ve hit upon the essence of prayer—that you have to believe in it and that it’s a mystery. Oh, I know there’s more to it but for this afternoon I’m going to leave it at that and pray away.

Mom's life of faith

7/15/2011

My mom recognized me yesterday but her life spark just wasn’t there. According to the nurse she is eating and drinking very little and she is now in a wheelchair most of the time because she can’t maneuver with her walker. As the Psalmist tells us, “Though I walk through valley of the shadow of death, I shall fear no evil; for you are with me; your rod and your s” That is where I feel Mom is.
I also gave her minister one of the file folders filled with prayers and services that Mom had written during her active Women’s League and Lend-a-Hand days. Her hand writing was as perfect as her typing—a treasure trove into Mom’s life of faith.

Praying for peope who don't know God

7/11/2011

Today I’m reminded of St. Veronica Guiliana (b. 1660) of Umbria who felt called to pray for people who didn’t know God. You see, I have a friend who is feeling devastated about certain circumstances in her life, but she doesn’t know God. Oh, she knows about God, but for her, God is for other people, not for rational, intellectual folks like herself. She’s doing the best she can on her own; admitting her feelings, talking with a few friends and getting professional help. These are strategies that we all might employ, but, speaking for myself, without God, they keep me mired in guilt and blame; they keep me feeling stuck.

     With God, I know I am not alone. With God I know that I have responsibility but that God will guide me. With God I know I am loved and forgiven. With God I know there are miracles. With God……. (you fill in yours).

      I am praying that my friend will come to know God. But I also believe in a God that can lift any situation to the highest good, no matter what. I believe that light will shine for my friend in God’s mysterious way and that God’s good will work through her. I am also very clear that it is none of my business how all of this happens--it is between God and my friend.

     God’s will for me is that I pray-- I have no choice. That is the part that I play. And besides, what if no one prayed? Not worth the chance.

What is the will of God?

7/9/2011

Those who wish even to focus on the problem of a Christian ethic are faced with an outrageous demand—from the outset they must give up, as inappropriate to this topic, the very two questions that led them to deal with the ethical problem: ‘How can I be good?’ and ‘How can I do something good?’ Instead they must ask the wholly other, completely different question: ‘What is the will of God?’ Deitrich Bonhoeffer

          I was jolted by these words of Bonhoeffer while reading, “Bonhoeffer: Pastor, Martyr, Prophet, Spy,” by Eric Metaxas, and they have continued to bounce around in my mind--one layer of meaning sparing against another.

        As a start, Bonhoeffer reminds me how essential and challenging it is to ask the right question. Case in point: “How can I be a good?” “How can I do something good?” are straight from the ego. I immediately respond, “Not to worry, I can figure out what a good person should do, and more specifically what I should do.” Then I notice that in my response I have grabbed the role of director from God. Next I notice that my answer includes that problematic word, ‘should’. Clearly I’m off track here.

     “No, no, no,” says Bonhoeffer, “God is the director. Try this one. ‘What does God want you to do?’” Immediately the question shifts from worldly ‘shoulds’ to God “shoulds’. I’m beginning to hear that I ‘should’ listen to God’s response.

       I have a log way to go on all of this, this listening to God, but I’m trying. I do it through all kinds of praying, such as talking with God, centering prayer, and reading scripture. I do it sitting, walking, and listening to music. I do it in solitude, with family and friends and at church. I’ll try anything that sounds like God’s will for me.

Two still small voices~

7/7/2011

      My sister reported on her visit to Mom. The news can be summed up in three sentences.

         “I think Mom knew me….No I’m sure she did.”
         “Mom is now in a wheelchair—not using her walker any more.”
         “Mom went to the weekly church service—Catholic this week.”

      Mom is Protestant, but that doesn’t seem to matter. She sleeps through each service, but that doesn’t seem to matter either. I hope the priest gave her communion, because in a way that seems to matter. But on second thought it doesn’t matter one iota; God is mysteriously wonderful, communion or no communion. God finds everyone in ways too wonderful for me to even imagine. Without a doubt, God has found Mom. In fact God found Mom 101 years ago. And now they are two small voices whispering together again.