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  A Prayer Diary

Listening with the ear of my heart~

3/31/2012

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     My blogging days go by so fast. I think I’ve just posted and then realize that that three days have gone by. Chronos and kairos time, all mixed together. The days go by, I lead my life, God is always there. Well, I say “always’ but sometimes I forget God, and then when I remember I am grateful. Of course God is always there, even when I forget God.

    For over a year now, I’ve been saying the Jesus prayer, that prayer of the Way of the Pilgrim, “Lord Jesus Christ have mercy on me.” It’s become a wonderful habit so that often I find myself saying it unconsciously in my mind. Sometimes I repeat it when I pray for others, saying a particular name in place of “me”.

    The other day I was offered another benefit. I was at the cottage in the recliner on the deck beginning my prayer time. It takes me a while to settle into it, to empty my mind of chatter, so I say the Jesus Prayer. I started, and repeated, “Jesus Christ have mercy on me.” Then I heard, not with my ears, but as Benedict said in his Rule, “Listen with the ear of your heart.” I heard Jesus say, “Here I am.”


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Kairos time~

3/28/2012

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Yesterday, as I explained on my www.acottagebythesea blog, I experienced an internet and clock-free day. For the most part I didn’t look at my email, go on Google, or look at a clock. Instead, I tried to stay present to the moment, the NOW.

      I shifted from chronos (calendar/clock/linear) time to kairos (God/spiritual) time. For example, whenever I thought of email, I’d returned to what was in front of me on the deck--the ocean and blue sky-- and express gratitude. Believe me, it wasn’t easy, but I think I began to develop a rhythm that shifted the balance, as I tried not to let my mind take on all the worldly chatter. My life felt more prayerful. Maybe for a while I was looking through more of a God lens than a computer lens.


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God's smiley face~

3/26/2012

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     I keep forgetting but God keeps reminding me, reminding me that I want to see my life through a God lens, not an ego lens; that I want to hear what God is telling me, not what other people expect of me; that I want to make decisions with God, not with the conforming rules of society.

     Often the God lens and the community lens is the same, which makes it easy. But sometimes the God lens looks mighty murky and I forget about God. That’s when a walk helps. Somewhere along the way God always appears in some form. Today it was with a smile that seemed to say, “Remember me!”


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Here we are God~

3/25/2012

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TALKING WITH GOD

(My Prayer of Invocation as lay leader today in church)

Here we are God.

Of course you know who we are and why we are here. After all, if you can count the hairs on our heads, you must know our names and our motivations.

But I’m going to tell you a little bit about us, anyway, because it helps me to talk with you, and believe me, God, the one thing for sure that we hear at this church is that it is ok to talk with God.

Many of us come here just about every week. We seem to have this habit.

We come to be together, to be part of this church community—to be with people who believe that the covenant of MCC is worth saying together every, every, every week.

Um God, do you get tired of hearing our weekly repetitions? I mean, how many times have you heard, “Our Father, who art in Heaven”?

Anyway, we also come here to be with you in our own personal way.  I’d say it is a combination of community and, as that arcane term goes, for our personal salvation.

Also, today, God, undoubtedly there be some people who come to this church only once in a while,  and there are probably some folks who are visiting for the first time. Again, you know who they are.

Regardless, maybe all of us, in our own little way, have come for the affirmation that whoever we are and wherever we are on life’s journey, you welcome us.

But God, I have to admit that although what I’m saying is true, that you know us, love us just as we are, and like to talk with us, I need to ask you, once again, to open all our hearts for this hour, as we listen and respond to you through scripture, Pastor Tom’s message, prayer, joys and concerns, music…. If I left anything out, well, you know what it is.

Finally, God…. And I promise I won’t go on but this is important. It’s another one of those weekly repeats. Help us never to forget to ask for prayers for the un-employed  and under-employed, and for peace in our hearts, peace in our families and peace in the world.

So, as I said, here we are God. Thanks for always being available to talk.

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100% for each of us--God and me~

3/23/2012

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I don’t feel I have anything profound to write about today. At the moment, prayer ‘just is’ for me; some underlying current of prayer is going through everything I do and I’m trying to figure out what I have done to be in this prayerful state.

     Now I’m grinning. How egocentric can I be? Very. What about God? I still want to give myself credit for my faith. Well, I might give God a hefty 10%, but I still want it to be my show. which shows how controlling I am. I have a long way to go, but I do give God lots of credit for hanging in there with me. God does that 100%. The challenge is for me to do my 100% part.
       


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Only through prayer~

3/20/2012

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Today I asked a few prayer friends to pray for someone I know who is having a hard time. What an amazing experience to feel surrounded by others praying with the same intention. Personal judgments strip away, ‘shoulds’ disappear. As I become immersed in God as the ground of all being, all I hear is ‘thy will be done’.

     I’ve always been intrigued with Jesus’ comment to his disciples in Mark’s Gospel: This kind can only come out through prayer. I can almost hear him continuing with something like this: “You don’t need to do something; don’t’ try to fix this. Give it over to God. Just pray.”


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Prayer by Frederick Buechner~

3/19/2012

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Dear Lord, bring me through darkness into light. Bring me through pain into peace. Bring me through death into life. Be with me wherever I go, and with everyone I love. In Christ’s name I ask it. Amen

This prayer was written by Frederick Buechner (The Eyes of the Heart) at the request of his brother who was dying of cancer. I prayed it during my brother-in-laws last days and it is one that I will continue to pray for others and for myself.


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A Holy moment~

3/14/2012

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Five months ago our family returned to the church that I grew up in to celebrate the 101 years of our mom’s faithful life. She had been a member of that UCC church for 70 years.  This Saturday we will return to that same church to remember the life of my wonderful brother-in-law.

     What do I remember about that church? I remember when the minister introduced us to a ‘new’ translation of the Bible, explaining that the King James is not the only translation available to us. I remember when the congregation was told that we would no longer be Congregational, but that we would now be part of the United Church of Christ.

    But most of all I remember my mom (and dad) through the years sitting in that same third pew on the right hand side. I remember her holding my brother, attending Christmas Eve services, witnessing our weddings and her husband’s funeral…. A year before she died I remember her ‘leading’ the responsive call to worship, although she never knew she was doing so. Her hearing was gone so she read at her own pace; the minister and congregation fell into step with her. It was a Holy moment.


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Post Title.

3/12/2012

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Today from the deck.
        I am on the deck at the cottage praying for my brother-in-law who is dying. Any time now the call will come that he is no longer struggling with COPD. Throughout the last year I have offered up different prayers for him. I’ve prayed for healing, and for wisdom for his doctors and caregivers. I’ve prayed for strength for my sister and my nieces and nephew. I know that these prayers have been answered.
      I have prayed that the peace of God surround them, a prayer that I know is always answered. I have also prayed that they would feel this peace. I think that has happened although I know better than to think I have control over what that peace might look like to them. Only God knows, although sometimes God gives us a glimpse of what that might be like for others.


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Jeremiah's plans for me~

3/10/2012

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       Yesterday as I was sitting on the deck of my cottage by the sea wondering what God had in store for me when my rental ends next month, there was Jeremiah, telling me that God had plans for me. Usually I want God to tell me the plans, the exact plans, but Jeremiah doesn’t offer specifics, and much to my surprise, that that was okay with me.
       What is the fruit of my days here as I sit in silence, solitude and simplicity? God has plans for me, plans that will be good for me, with no harm and a future with hope. Of course I have to keep playing my part, which is to search for God and open my heart to God (and everyone). God won’t restore me alone without restoring everyone else. 
       We all have times in our lives when we’re at some kind of crossroad, when it’s time for something new, be it a job, living arrangement, friend, hobby, or even a different outlook on life. These can be big changes or small shifts. If I keep up a steady routine of daily prayer, meditation and Bible reading, I’m continually amazed that just the right scripture speaks to me. Oh, I shouldn’t’ be amazed, but I love that God’s awesomeness continually surprises and delights me.

For surely I know the plans I have for you says the Lord, plans for your welfare and not for harm, to give you a future with hope. Then when you call me and come and pray to me I will hear you. When you search for me, you will find me; if you seek me with all your heart, I will let you find me, says the Lord, and I will restore your fortunes and gather you from all the nations and the places where I have driven you says the Lord and I will bring you back to the place from which I sent you into exile.  Jeremiah 29:11-14 


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