In the past week two Scottish friends have asked me the same question, using the same words: “How are you going to celebrate the publication of your book about your mother?”
“Oh, I’m not going to,” has been my quick response. Then, “Hum, maybe I should.”
Why this resistance? The easy answer is that celebrating implies celebrating myself and my accomplishment, whereas the book is about celebrating Mom, and that is celebration enough.
There’s another celebration, however, going on inside of me that perhaps I don’t want to publicize. I sense that with the book’s publication, my grieving will be over. That’s important to me, but how widely do I want to expose this personal truth? More to the point, do I want to admit to myself that my job of making Mom happy is complete? If so, and I know that it is, what is my next job? I'm hearing that I am being called to pray for people and be with God—to wander with God-- and THAT is where the fear lies. Is that what a doer like me is supposed to be doing now? Is my next job just to BE?
You may wonder why I am blurting this out. I believe human beings need to confess their truths out loud to other human beings and this feel like a safe place for me to do so. With the exception of a few of you, I have no idea who reads this blog. I do know, however, that you are safe.
“Oh, I’m not going to,” has been my quick response. Then, “Hum, maybe I should.”
Why this resistance? The easy answer is that celebrating implies celebrating myself and my accomplishment, whereas the book is about celebrating Mom, and that is celebration enough.
There’s another celebration, however, going on inside of me that perhaps I don’t want to publicize. I sense that with the book’s publication, my grieving will be over. That’s important to me, but how widely do I want to expose this personal truth? More to the point, do I want to admit to myself that my job of making Mom happy is complete? If so, and I know that it is, what is my next job? I'm hearing that I am being called to pray for people and be with God—to wander with God-- and THAT is where the fear lies. Is that what a doer like me is supposed to be doing now? Is my next job just to BE?
You may wonder why I am blurting this out. I believe human beings need to confess their truths out loud to other human beings and this feel like a safe place for me to do so. With the exception of a few of you, I have no idea who reads this blog. I do know, however, that you are safe.
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