We have lived in this old house for over a week with no running water downstairs. I’m talking about washing machine and kitchen sink, including frozen drains. Up and down the steep, back stairs we go to fetch water and do dishes. We could be complaining and feeling sorry for ourselves, after all, it’s a first world privilege to whine about such inconveniences. But we don’t.
     I attribute my attitude to the fruits of Centering Prayer and the Jesus Prayer. I just show up and ‘do’ them. For twenty minutes a day I sit in God’s presence, letting go of thoughts and feeling my breath. During the day, whenever I remember, I let go of thoughts and think, ‘Jesus Christ have mercy on me.’ The fruits appear; I am free of stress about a particular situation; I don’t have a judgment about something or someone; my mind is less cluttered; I return more often to praying without ceasing.
      These are miracles. Centering prayer opens up the space for God to do God’s work in my life. The Jesus Prayer keeps my heart open.

Cousin John died yesterday. He was in his early 80s. My words that describe him are acceptance, forgiveness, and faithfulness, the fruits of the spirit given to him by God. Yes, he was an accepting, forgiving and faithful man.
Each of us has some signature word or words that describes our best selves. Maybe you know yours, maybe not, but your friends and family could probably tell you. My mom’s was gratitude.
Paul’s fruit of the spirit in Galatians 5 offers an excellent list for meditation; love, peace, joy, patience, kindness, generosity, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. Which one resonates as true for you? Which one is your challenge? This is worth praying on, as a humble way of offering gratitude for our gifts, and acceptance, forgiveness and intercession for our failures.

     I’m out of sorts this morning; impatient with all the little things that usually don’t bother me—such as the temperature of my coffee--and, impatient with the big things that bother me in a more than usual, visceral way. Things like guns and shootings and killings. I’m impatient that it would be easier for me to purchase an assault rifle before 8 AM at a gun store, than a bottle of wine at my supermarket. Blah, blah, blah. You get my point.
     What to do about this impatience that has left me out of sorts? It was even a challenge to start this blog entry, but God gave me the wherewithal to meditate, and now enough energy to begin writing.
     Last night at The Well, a meditation group at my church, we talked about the ‘Fruit of the Spirit’ in Paul’s letter to the Galatians:
     Now the fruit of the spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, generosity, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.
     Great list but how do I obtain the fruit? Hum, fruit of the spirit. My hope of attaining any comes, not from my own effort, but from the Spirit. Get out of my head and pray for, meditate on, breathe in God’s Spirit. It helps, but I have to keep at it all the time, pray without ceasing as Paul suggests in 1 Thessalonians. This demands a different way of living, living my life for God, not for me. I don’t know if I want to do that all the time.
     As I write, I’m ashamed at how I fuss about my petty feelings of impatience. Innocent people were killed in San Bernardino last night, families have been shattered, hopes lost, and here I am, annoyed that my coffee is cold. It’s more than pathetic that I, in my privileged state, find something so petty to be impatient about.
     My best hope is to pray that the Spirit fill my heart so I can pray for others and do something out there in the world to make a difference. Faith and works walk together. We can’t have one without the other.

     In my readings I often come across various renditions and compilations of the ‘fruit of the spirit’. The best know is this collection in Galatians

     By contrast, the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, generosity, faithfulness,  gentleness, and self-control. There is no law against such things (5:22-23).

    A quick read and I say, ‘Sure, of course these are important way of being; I’m not a bad person.’

     But as I examine how I’m doing, I recognize that I have a mighty long way to go, and if I’m attentive I can catch myself failing miserably on each one. However, when I read that there is no law against these things, I feel a sense of relief and hope. Although it is up to me to work toward expressing these fruits in my life, I can only do so with God’s grace. That lightens the burden because it affirms what I already know--that on my own I can’t be loving, joyful, peaceful, patient, kind, generous, faithful, gentle, and self-controlled. I need God’s help. I need to know that God’s way doesn’t expect me to be perfect, that I will fail again and again, be forgiven again and again, but because of God’s grace I will have moments when I express spiritual fruit. That’s the best we humans can do.

Tomorrow I return to the cottage after the Thanksgiving holiday week with my family. I’m grateful for all the time we spent together and now I’m grateful for time alone. I’m continually amazed at how the busyness of life draws me away from prayer, and yet, how my faith is sustained by this non-prayer time. If I didn’t have community, how would I stay grateful? How would I know of people to visit and pray for? Where would I find strength to strive for the fruit of the spirit, which Paul tells us is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, generosity, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control? (Gal. 5:22-23).

      My pattern is to be alone at the cottage praying for the fruit to enter deep within me, and then, to go out in the world to practice. I falter all the time but thankfully Christianity is a faith of hope. God forgives me again and again, offering me the trust to forgive myself.

    So back and forth I go, cottage to home, home to cottage, finding the fruit, losing it, and finding it again. I believe that cottage time, this extended time alone, tips the balance toward the good. Jesus went off alone to pray, and we must do the same. I go to the cottage but I also find other times and places in the midst of community. You see, the cottage is a metaphor for that time away with God. I pray that you can find yours.

I need to talk about patience. Not to you, but to myself. But isn’t that the way? There’s always a long in my own eye.

    This morning, writing at the library for a couple of hours, I stopped by the desk to ask about three books, that, according to my on-line account, had not been check in but that I thought I had returned last week. Really, this is no big deal, but I was feeling that it was.

     The big deal for me was my impatience about it all. I was annoyed that I had to devote my precious time to locating the books, especially since I was certain that I had returned them. Oh, the arrogance! No humility warranted here! Then. as I sensed the librarian noticing my impatience, I felt ashamed. This isn’t the kind of person I want to be.

      Scripture offers NO affirmation for impatience! Check out Abraham and Sarah, Saul, Job, the psalmists, and don’t forget the Prodigal Son.

     The New Testament in particular has plenty to say about patience. What strikes me how it is linked with other virtues.

      2 Corinthians 6:6: ‘in purity, understanding, patience and kindness; in the Holy Spirit and in sincere love.’

     Colossians 3:12: ‘Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.’  

       And my favorite, Galatians 6:22. ‘By contrast, the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, generosity, faithfulness, gentleness, and self control.’ St. Paul finishes the verse with this zinger—‘There is no law against such things.’

      I’m trying to observe my impatience. Unlike my experience with the librarian, I don’t think others usually notice it (Um! I could be wrong). But I notice it in my body and in my mumbling. In summary, I get impatient when my (precious) time is infringed upon and when my control is being (unjustly) taken from me. But what to do about this? Pray, of course. Deep breaths to relax; breathe in the Light; ask the Holy Spirit for patience; forgive myself and others. That’s a start, anyway.

    I found one of the books on the library shelf (their error), one back home (my error), and we’re still searching for the third. I immediately took the book found at home back to the librarian, along with a true confession. Before I marched myself back across the street, however, I took some deep breaths and start the prayers, asking for a little patience to creep in.

For the past few days I have been pondering the fruit of the Spirit as listed in Paul’s letter to the Colossians: “As God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, clothe yourself with compassion, kindness, humility, meekness and patience” 3.12.

       I’ve been socialized to show compassion, kindness and patience, and on a superficial level I can pull it off quite successfully. Like all of you, I’m a nice person. So, what I’m working on is not what I show on the outside but what I feel on the inside, where I can easily judge, resent or feel impatient. These negative attitudes just appear; I don’t want them, but there they are. How can I get rid of them? How can I change them from rotten fruit to fresh Fruit? I’m sure the answer is prayer. It always is. Prayer for the Holy Spirit to fill me with a compassionate, kind and patient heart..

       I don’t mean to avoid meekness and humility, both huge challenges for me. After all, I’ve been socialized to stick up for myself and show confidence. Obviously I need prayer for that, too. Lots and lots of prayer. It’s up to me. I have a sense that I have to meet the Holy Spirit half way. Something like that. I’ll pray on it.