Category:

Comfort the grieving--show up

5/9/2022

I just attended visiting hours at the local funeral home for our neighbor who died of a heart attack at age 41, leaving a wife and two year old. I know they celebrate Christmas but I have no idea what they believe and practice. (Many of the people I know who celebrate Christmas wouldn’t say that they are Christian.)
Regardless, when responding to the grieving I keep away from expressing in words any beliefs. No one wants to hear, ‘He is in a better place’. It is up to the grieving to conjure from inside themselves what comforts them. One of the benefits of a church or temple service is that we who are grieving take the words of the minister, priest, or rabbi into our hearts, and say, “Yes, I know what that means; I feel comfort; in the midst of this loss, I feel hope.”

Let evening come for my friend

2/15/2022

1985

I posted the following on my cotttagebythesea.net blog. But I want to say something more to my prayer friends. Chet was three days younger than me. He lived a good life in all the ways we can hope for or imagine. He was faithful, feeling Christ’s presence walking with him.
Yes, my friends are dying, and so will I, sooner rather than later. God has been good to me on this part of my journey. Right now, the next leg of the itinerary may be mysterious but I have faith that it will be heavenly and awesome, and, that those still living this earthly segment, will be just fine!

You know me, I am not the prophet of gloom or sadness, but I am feeling sad this morning, sad but not gloomy.

Chet, my wonderful principal during my joyful teaching days, died yesterday, appropriately on Valentines Day. All of the Haynes School alumnae teachers knew that his life was coming to an end. On our monthly zoom meetings, which he named The Quilt, he had shared the host of medical issues that he was dealing with. Individually we were able to be in touch with him via email. Right up to the end Chet was cognizant, grateful, optimistic, and joyful. His wife, three children and grandchildren were with him when he died.

Three very good friends of mine have died in the year of 2022. For sure, that is fodder for gloom and sadness. But what appears is lives well-lived. So I say, "Let Evening Come."

In God's prayerful presence

5/28/2019

If you long to be in God’s presence, if you feel called to prayer, accompany someone who has entered that prayerful presence with God.
I am sitting with my 96 year old friend. It is quiet here; she is not speaking and neither am I. We are together in a deep holy place, each in our own solitude. Everything is simple; the only thing to do is be. The window flowers offer hope.

It's time to go~

3/9/2019

I visited 93 year old Bob at the hospital last week. I sat holding his hand for about ten minutes. Then he spoke. He told me he didn’t want to keep me from my afternoon plans and would I please leave. Since it was hard to understand him, I reiterated what I thought he had told me and he said, “Yes, it’s time for you to go.” I told him I loved him, and left. He died twenty-four hours later. I wasn’t surprised.

Dying is part of living~

4/7/2017

At the moment I have several friends who are very ill, either in the hospital or in hospice. What’s going on here? It goes with having friends and with belonging to a church. If it weren’t for church, my list would be shorter, and my life less rich. By rich, I mean filled with deep meaning and compassion.
I consider it a privilege to be present to people who are ill or dying. Hospice is one way I learn that dying is part of living.

Costly grace~

7/16/2016

“The dying process is a process created by God to release the forces of divine energy within the soul that have always been there.” Thomas Keating, a faithful Christian monk who has spent his 93 years discerning such things, offers this wisdom. My hospice experience opened me to the truth that God embraces the dying and takes them to Himself, and, that in some mysterious way they know God is with them.
As I sit in my sunny back yard, how easy it is to resonate with Keating’s profound understanding. Dietrich Bonhoeffer might warn me of ‘cheap grace’. And yet, when I turn on the news, I am confronted with the ‘costly grace’ experienced by those shot down or run down. My faith must remain bold and courageous, so I can continue to believe that God is with those who have been given only an instant to be embrace by God before the divine energies are released. In some mysterious way, perhaps because they are so horrendous, these atrocities affirm my faith.

Passing away to a better place~

10/3/2015

Here is today’s cottage-by-the-sea blog.

Four years ago my mom took her final breath, died, passed away. There are myriad ways of saying it. Died feels final and clinical; final breathe softens it. For me, however, passing away feels more like what my mom did, but I want to add ‘to a better place’, whatever that means? I don’t know, no one knows, but many of us believe that something beyond this earthly exist, and that it is good. Christianity declares it, and those of other faiths, as well as agnostics and atheists, have a sense that death is not final. For many believing that death is a big black hole is too frightening. For everyone, there are the memories.

As a Christian I want to add that I definitely believe that physical death is not the end. I have no idea what this means or what it is like, other than to say that it is of the spirit, not of the mind/body. Afterlife is not for the living to know, understand or experience. Having hope and faith is enough. It is the peace of God that passes all understanding.

Projects with closure~

3/16/2015

“What is your favorite project?” was today’s question posed by Br. Curtis Almquist from the Society of St. John the Evangelist’s Lenten on-line series. Fine, I think, I have projects, in fact I’m a project person. But Br. Curtis went on to express the value of projects with closure, such as bread making, versus on-going projects such as relationships. This idea of projects with closure startled me because one of the things I like to do, one of my projects shall I say, is to visit the elderly and the dying. I find deep satisfaction when I sit with someone during their last days of life. Our relationship has unique, immediate closure.

Keeping watch, letting go~

12/18/2014

Soon I will be off to be with two friends: my friend age 96 who is dying, and my friend, her daughter who is keeping watch. It will be a poignant yet peaceful time.

Once someone has decided to let go and go to God, a canopy of calm surrounds the room. The struggle is over and the peace of God that passes all understanding floods every nook and cranny and embraces every soul.

Memorial services~for whom?

9/12/2014

For whom are memorial services? I know that’s an awkward sentence, but I trust that you know what I mean. More awkward, however, is the answer to that question. Sometimes we want to respect the wishes of the deceased. I have a friend who, in honoring her mother’s desire, didn’t attend her funeral. And yet, she accepted that we had one at church.

Yesterday I attended a service for Doris at the assisted living facility where she had lived. Many of her friends, who can’t get to the church service on Saturday, wanted to remember Doris and say good-bye. Although we might say that both of these services are for Doris’ friends and family, I believe that she would be pleased as well.